Figuring Out Love
by IrsHH
Summary: What if Ana was more confident and less intimidated by Christian? What if she wasn't so innocent? Would they still be able to be together? M content
1. Chapter 1

_Hello _

I'm in the process of correcting the story :)  
Obviously, I don't own the characters or the source material. I simply use it for personal enjoyment.

_This story is mostly "what if Ana was more confident and less intimidated by Christian. It's about two people who build their trust and bond in order to create a long-lasting healthy relationship. _

_Have a fantastic day! _

* * *

Chapter 1

Ana's POV

I was really tired after this year. Everything I wanted to do now was to go home, go to bed, and not to get up for an entire week. I knew there was only one thing left to do on my very long list. I was going to the graduation ceremony to WSU class of 2015. It was so weird to think that I graduated four years ago. It didn't feel that way. Seriously, I remembered that awkward day all too well. I remembered how my best friend was scared because she was delivering a valedictorian speech. I was probably more stressed than she was. This year I was driving back to Vancouver to give a speech to the graduates of my alma mater. I was honoured to have that chance, but I was treating this event less serious than my own graduation. All I was going to do was to wish these people luck and ask them to use their brains. _Maybe that was too much. _It was surreal to go back there in that position. For the past years I've been to most of the states and talked to millions of people. I wrote two books and posted over two hundred fifty notes on my blog about personal finance and reasonable spending. I knew that these tips were especially useful for broke college students. This life was crazy, that was why I needed rest so badly. I wanted to watch Netflix, eat junk food and recharge my batteries. There was only one thing left to do. I could only hope there would be no interruptions.

I was happy that I arrived a few minutes early. I had time to greet the University's authorities and my favourite professors. I was glad to see them again.

"Finally, you found time to visit us, Ms. Steele." Professor Jackson shook my hand enthusiastically. He taught me public speaking and I saw how proud he was.

"You were very persistent, professor, I couldn't refuse you after so many requests." Jackson shook his head and led me to the rest of the officials. I greeted politely everyone and tried to remember the names of people I didn't recognise.

"We're really proud of your achievements Ms. Steele. You're our local inspiration."

"I am very pleased to hear that. It is really an honour to be here today and to be able to attend this ceremony with another class of graduates." I said respectfully. I knew it meant for them a lot that someone from their university made a name for themselves and built their success from the scratch. I proved that it is possible with lots of work and dedication.

"We cannot wait to listen to your speech Ms. Steele. Enjoy your time." I was indicated where to sit and I checked the schedule of the event. I knew when I was about to talk and that calmed me down. I was prepared to spend here at least four hours. _I shouldn't have come here._

I noticed that the seat beside me was empty and I was really surprised about it, especially as it was only five minutes until the beginning of the ceremony. Luckily, it wasn't my problem.

I made sure I switched off my phone and waited for the ceremony to begin. Then, I saw a man approaching me. I didn't have to check to know who he was. _Christian Grey._ I've never met him in person, but obviously it was very hard not to hear about him. He was one of the youngest billionaires in the country. It was obvious I knew who he was. Okay, there were two more reasons I knew who he was… Two weeks before my graduation Mr Grey was interviewed by my best friend, Kate. That interview was a disaster. Primarily because she got the list of questions from the head of the students' paper. Secondly, because she was so reckless and didn't read them before the interview. It resulted in asking Grey if he was gay, which was Kate's epic fail. I remembered that situation clearly.

"Did he throw you out of his office?" I knew I would be offended if somebody asked me about my sexual orientation.

"No, he was pretty cool about it. I mean, he told me off, but allowed me to finish the interview. However, if he cancels his attendance in the ceremony, I'll be officially screwed." I smiled at that memory. Grey was there and nobody, except for me and Kate, knew about that entire situation.

The other reason was that I was friends with Mia Grey, the most eccentric and energetic person in the world.

Mr Grey took his seat next to me. Then, the ceremony started. I listened to the opening and greetings. I saw that certain students were already crying although nothing happened yet. I listened to an adorable speech of one of the graduates and I was next. I was used to talking to people, but I always had stage fright when so many people were staring at me. I drank water and composed myself as quickly as I could. _I'm in control here. Everything is okay. _I could do it. It was just a moment and I could forget why I came here in the first place. I could go back to half-listening, half-reliving my own graduation and all the awkward moments from that day. And there were plenty of those…

I walked to the podium and waited until the applause stopped. I saw that the students were well aware who I was. _Good. _I could say a few words to cheer them up a bit and lighten up the mood a bit. I wasn't planning on super pretentious talk. It wasn't my style, and everybody knew about it.

"Thank you very much. First, I would like to thank the authorities for the invitation. I'm honoured to be here with you and to be part of this special day. I would like to congratulate so many people for their contribution. To your professors, for their time and support, your families for their patience and belief that you can make it, and to you, that you actually made it." The students began to applaud me once more and I waited for a few seconds, before I started to speak again.

"Yes, you made it. It was hard at times. There were moments when you had doubts, but still you're here today. There were also problems like setting your schedules in order to start your classes at 11. I relive my own graduation today. Four years ago, I was among the students, among you. I was sitting there and thinking what these people are talking about. Yet, here I am today. I'm happy that you're another class that leaves the walls of this university. But believe me when I say that the best is about to begin. But this time there is no manual, no shortcut, no guide. This time no one will be there to support your decision. It is time to take control over your life and take full responsibility for your actions. It will not always be easy, but that it is a beautiful time. I'll be there to give you advice in your adulthood as well as I was during college. What I'd like to wish you is to never stop learning, and to never stop looking further than others for opportunities. You might be really surprised what you might find in the end. Congratulations."

I waved at them and left the podium. I returned to my seat and took a sip of water. I noticed that Grey was looking at me, but it wasn't important. I was glad that I did what was required of me and that people were enthusiastic to my words. I didn't want to tell them how sorry I felt for them when I thought about the level of student debt in the US and that for some people it was a debt, they will never manage to pay it off. I talked about it a lot on my channel and wrote several notes about student debt crisis. Hopefully, my actions helped at least a bit to raise awareness among young people who hesitate about their higher education. Today was the happy day. They deserved that one last college experience.

I observed Mr Grey while he was giving his speech and I knew he was more serious than I. He was there to tell them about global problems and mission to help the world and bring help to people from poor and low-income families. He talked about the access to basic healthcare and education and he encouraged students to be attentive to people's needs.

His speech was accepted with enthusiasm and he returned to his seat. We exchanged looks and I knew that he felt the same thing about the event. We smiled in unison. Then the most boring part started. The rows of students queued to get their diploma and I had to survive two hours before it was all over. The students had their group photo taken and threw their caps. It was such a lovely view. Especially from this perspective. I felt kind of proud for these people although I knew I was being influenced by the ambiance of the event.

After the entire ceremony I went with all the invited guests to celebrate the graduation. I was planning to chat for half an hour and leave this place. I was driving so I refused to have a drink. I didn't care it was impolite. I just couldn't do it. I talked to multiple graduates and had photos with them.

I was more at ease than during the ceremony. I liked talking to people, but I also needed to have necessary distance. For most time I was behind the camera or the words I posted on my blog. Although my work was read by many, I didn't feel the pressure in the safe space of my apartment. I was about to leave when I heard my name.

"Ms. Steele." He was watching me carefully. I immediately knew who he was. _That had to be him. _

"Mr Grey." We shook hands and stood in silence for a good minute or two. I felt his eyes on me and I instantly looked him in the eye. It felt as if he was trying to get to my soul, but he couldn't. I beamed and looked away. There was something about him… I couldn't place it. "It's a pleasure to meet you. My sister is a fan of yours." He winced and took a step back. I smiled when he mentioned Mia.

"Sorry, it didn't sound too good. My bad. But I'd like to get to know you, Ms. Steele." I had a look at my watch and I decided it was time to go back to Seattle. I wanted to have a full night sleep finally. I needed that more than I thought.

"That's very flattering, but I was about to leave and you stopped me." I stated calmly. I didn't mean to be rude in any way, I only wanted to be out of that place. I've had enough.

"Oh, that's good I stopped you, otherwise I might not have a chance to see you anytime soon. Would you like to have a chat with me, Ms. Steele?" I was hesitating between staying and leaving. "Would you like some wine?"

"Mr Grey. I can stay a few more minutes, but I'm driving, so I won't have wine." He nodded in understanding. I was about to have wine as soon as I reach home.

"I see. Where are you heading?"

"Seattle. I've lived there since my graduation."

"Which was in 2011 if my maths is correct, right?" I knew where he was going with that.

"Yes, you handed me my diploma." I winked. "I was more awkward than this year graduates. I tripped on the stairs." However, I prefer to be in this position." He stifled laugh and I knew he understood what I meant. I didn't expect him to be so warm and polite. From what I remembered from the recording of the interview and the way I remembered him, he always seemed a bit too stern and arrogant. I didn't get that vibe from him that day. Sure, he was intimidating, but not too much. I've talked to men like him before. _Many times._

"Graduation 2011 was also funny for me, but it's too embarrassing to admit." I did my best not to burst out laughing.

"I'm not going to push you, Mr Grey, but I have to say that you're not the person who is often seen on the events like these."

"Neither are you." He challenged me._ Hasn't he said he doesn't know who I am? Interesting._

"I came here today, because I used to be a student and I'm well off right now. They wanted someone from their playground to give a glimpse of hope to their students."

"I really need to look up your work. Hopefully I didn't make you feel uncomfortable." I laughed at that remark. _No, I can handle you. _I wanted to say, but I stopped myself from doing it.

"Not at all. I find you just a bit intimidating Mr Grey, but I'm fine with that." I shouldn't be standing there like that for forever.

"What can you tell me about yourself Ms Steele?" I raised my eyebrows and gave him innocent smile.

"Is it professional 'tell me about yourself,' or private one? I run a website about personal finance targeted at college students. I focus on educating people basic financial literacy and give basics about budgeting. It might seem easy while listening about it, but it is a subject often disregarded by people, and Americans have big problems with spending." I paused for a minute. "I don't really like to talk about my private life. It's private for a reason." He was listening to me carefully and didn't make any comment. He knew what I was talking about. He was well aware what was the situation in the country as he managed to build his company and currently employ thousands of people worldwide.

"I wouldn't say it is easy. Like I said, I wasn't acquainted with your content, but from what you're saying, you're one of these people, who are actually trying to do something good for the community. Americans have different money habits than Europeans." I agreed with him. It was great to have someone who wanted to discuss the topic with me. I stayed for about an hour although I said I could stay only a few minutes. I didn't realise he was good partner to talk, but I couldn't stay any longer. I was exhausted and I needed to be focused for another 3 hours.

"Thank you for understanding. Mr Grey. I have 3-hour drive back home. I should be going." He took out a card of his jacket and handed to me.

"It was really a pleasure to meet you, Ms Steele. I really hope we could meet sometime soon." I shook his hand and went to my car. I looked at the card I got and I was really surprised at what happened during the afterparty.

I returned home and I made good use of my plans. I watched Netflix until 2 a.m. and enjoyed the time I had only for myself. I didn't have to think about anyone else. After Netflix marathon I published a quick note to my friends that I respond only on texts and only when there is an emergency and then I cut off Internet connection. It was my usual practice at the end of academic year. I have just finished my book tour. I was giving speeches about time management around the West Coast and all I wanted was to fully relax. I couldn't spend it the way I really wanted. I needed to contact my group it's been far too long, since I last played with someone.

No people, no notifications, no problems. I loved these moments more than anything else in the world.

However, this was the first time in years when my phone was so active during my quiet days and I had no idea what was going on. I saw texts from Kate and my Dad, but Kate went absolutely crazy. I heard the noise, but this time it was continuous. I got my phone and answered it.

"Katie, why are you writing like there's a hurricane coming?" I snapped at her instantly.

"Haven't you heard the news?" She said passionately.

"No, should I?" It was my private day, so obviously I didn't.

"There's are photos of you and Christian Grey. They're everywhere! It's super popular." I rolled my eyes. I was photographed on multiple occasions, and in the era of social media it was easy to find pictures of almost everyone.

"Kate, it's possible because I spoke to him yesterday at the WSU graduation. I don't get the fuss." I turned on the internet, opened tab on my phone and googled my name. Of course I found a photo, but it was nothing special. We were busy talking, so neither of us looked at the camera. I didn't notice anyone taking that photo, but it looked really nice. He was looking me straight in the eye and he was listening to what I was saying.

"Kate, it's just a photo. A text with info would be enough, you know?"

"Look for more, Banana" I Googled myself and Grey and found plenty of other photos which could seem as if there was something going on between us. In reality, we were just polite to each other. He was genuinely nice.

"Is it a "do-not-interrupt-me-or-I'll-kill-you day?" I sighed loudly and she already knew the answer. "Oh, I'm sorry. It was just so awesome that I wanted to make sure you saw it." I knew she wanted to remember me about the cool things, but I really needed my space.

"I appreciate that, thanks, Kate."

"What was he like? He looks quite relaxed in this photo." She wasn't letting go off him, was she?

"Nothing like you described. He was way nicer than that, probably because I didn't ask him directly if he was gay." I replied dryly. I wasn't going to let her forget about it. No way.

"You're probably right. Any plans for today?" I checked the time and it was around five. She broke my routine anyway.

"Not anymore. I was going to enjoy my own company, but I won't be able to focus anymore. Want to come over?"

* * *

Christian's POV

"Christian these photos are amazing! Why didn't you tell me, you finally met Ana?!" I heard Mia shouting on her phone. „So, did you like her? She's so awesome!" My sister was as always full of energy and positivity. I spent the entire day on watching her films and reading her notes. She was very bright and polite. I liked that the way she was on her videos was exactly the same as she was in real life. Her online persona was not just a façade like in my case. I remember her as young and strong woman, yet with a huge amount of sensitivity. The confidence in her voice, the look in her eyes. It's been a while since someone intrigued me so much.

I knew I wanted to talk to her again. I gave her my card and I really hoped she would call. I wanted her to make that choice. She seemed relaxed around me and I felt like we hit it off, or maybe it was just my imagination. I decided to give her a week, and if she wasn't going to contact me, then I would approach her. I couldn't forget about her.

I kept on watching her videos and familiarised myself with her tone of voice. It was very soft and well balanced. She wasn't speaking too fast, nor too slow. I felt her authority and that she mostly spoke from experience. There was something special about her, I couldn't figure it out. All I knew was that I wanted that woman like nothing else before.

I wanted Anastasia Steele.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello, this is a slightly edited version of the second chapter.

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 2

Anastasia's POV

Kate's visit was the only thing that disturbed my week of my alone time. She was super excited, and I didn't quite understand why she was acting like this. She didn't believe me when I said it was nothing between Mr. Grey and me. She wanted to know all the details and I regretted not having wine when I needed it. I should've stopped at a liquor store on the way home. I had to satisfy myself with coffee. There wasn't much to tell, however I failed to mention that he gave me his card and asked me to call him when I have time.

I knew that would start the other round of squeaking and ridiculous assumptions. My Dad only commented that I looked lovely in the photo and wished me good holidays. My Mum commented that I was with, as she put it "a hot guy." I brushed off that thought as fast as I could. Carla's reaction was probably the worst of all. I didn't check my Facebook or Instagram or fan mail. I hated when there was so much attention of that kind. I enjoyed that my content was becoming more and more popular. It annoyed me that I drew the most attention with the fact I was seen with _Seattle most eligible bachelor._ It made me feel disappointed and deterred for a while because I was seen as _a weak woman._ I didn't like to dwell too much on it. It only reminded me how limited society was. I knew I could take a good care of myself. People respected me, but people on the media were cruel. I mostly wanted my actions to speak for me, not the way I looked. There were also other reasons I wanted to keep my private live away from any attention.

As always, I thought my time off would be really off. As always, I was wrong. There were always emails to reply. There were constantly new enquires, invitations, sponsors. I had to prepare a plan of topic I wanted to cover this month. I could never fully unwind and forget about work. It was constantly there. Working this way may sound like a dream for some, but after years it starts to suffocate you. I still love it, but I need a good break.

I was so busy with all these preparations for a new season that I realised that the week passed way too fast. _Every fucking time. _I still had time before I had to work intensely, but I couldn't cut myself off from the world for anytime longer.

I don't remember when the last time was, I got so many notifications. I didn't want to respond to any of those. Then I noticed Mia Grey's message. I clicked on it and it was too late. I had to respond.

YOU TWO LOOK SO GREAT TOGETHER! WE HAVE TO GO OUT SOMETIME SOON!

Her message was in capital letters and ended with five exclamation marks. I wrote her a polite thank you and notified her that I'll see her when I have time. The translation for that was: _I'll call you next week, have a good day._

Mia's message reminded me about the card I received from her brother. I didn't know if I should call him or not. I wanted to, but I wasn't sure if that was a good idea. I read everything I could find about him and I wanted to talk to him again, but something stopped me. We were too different.

I finally made up my mind on Saturday evening. It was just after seven, but I had a feeling that he wouldn't mind. I mean, my friends find that normal to call me at that hour. I couldn't breathe because suddenly I felt nervous. I hated calling somewhere or someone for the first time. I preferred to communicate with people in writing. However, at that point, I thought that sending a text would be to say the least impolite and inappropriate.

My instincts were usually right about people. There was something about him that appealed to me. The conversation flew naturally. I wanted to spend more time with him. I thought about his beautiful, piercing grey eyes and a small smile. I relaxed; I could do this. I calmed down the fear I felt.

"Grey." He snapped at me. I caught my breath and didn't show that it surprised me.

"Good evening. It's Anastasia Steele speaking. Is this a bad time?" I didn't want to interrupt him. He could call me back when he had more time. His tone instantly changed and he apologised to me.

"Ms. Steele. It's a pleasure to hear from you. I'm sorry for my tone." His voice was calm and warm again and I felt as if he was really happy that I called him.

"It's okay."

"I checked up your website. I must admit I'm starting to understand why students like you, Ms. Steele. You know how to reach people with simple words. That's an amazing ability." I felt proud of this compliment. He appreciated me. I was doing my best to find the best way of expressing myself to people. It took me years, but currently I was absolutely killing it.

"Thank you, Mr Grey. It means a lot to hear such a compliment from a person like you." I answered him honestly.

"Would you like to meet me for coffee tomorrow Ms. Steele? We could talk and spend more time together. I can text you the address." I had no plans for this Sunday. The truth was that I wanted to see him again, even if that was just a few minutes.

"That would be great. Would 4 o'clock be suitable to you?"

"Absolutely. Ms. Steele? Thank you for the call. Have a good night." He hung up and I felt excitement. A few seconds later I got the address of the coffee shop. I've never been there so I quickly looked in up on google maps. It wasn't far from my flat. I could go there on foot. It was summer and I had to go out from time to time. Although it was mid-June, my skin was super pale. I never tanned, it always felt unnatural to me. I knew that for some I was too pale, but truth be told, I loved that in my appearance. That was the best part of the Washington State. Even in summer there were relatively few days of super-hot weather. That worked great for me. I cleaned the rest of social notification board and hoped the meeting would be a good occasion to meet this mysterious man, that is, Christian Grey.

* * *

Christian's POV

When Ms. Steele called me, I felt as if a terrible day suddenly became bearable. I had to deal with my parents, my sister, and Elliot, and if family wasn't enough, I recalled that my assistant was pregnant and that she would soon go on maternity leave. It will be really hard to find a replacement for Andrea. She was the best assistant, I've ever had. I knew it wasn't permanent, but still felt a bit nervous to deal with someone new. Putting a new person in place wasn't difficult, the problem was that I've been so frustrated recently, and I knew exactly what the source of that strong feeling was, or rather who.

For the past week I was constantly reading information about Anastasia Steele. What I admired and hated at the same time was how protective she was about her private life. As for a person very active on social media, she had very little to none of her personal life. It was uncommon taking into consideration how much an average person posted every day. That was the first thing that make her stand out. The next thing was how she interacted with people. I couldn't forget her on the graduation. I couldn't stop looking at her. She was so determined and poised. She was special. I simply had to approach her, I needed to know more about this short woman. She couldn't be taller than 5ft 1 without heels. Yet, she immediately drew my attention.

I wanted to see her again. I wanted to learn as much as possible. I wanted her to tell me about herself personally. I didn't know what was happening to me and how much I wanted to have all of her. Not only her body, she was beautiful, but her mind as well. She was such a closed book.

I was in the café about 20 minutes early. I didn't want her to wait for me. I didn't exactly know what to expect from that meeting. I decided to keep an open mind and let things flow naturally. When she entered the café I instantly stood up and came to greet her.

She was dressed in blue jeans and a white blouse. This colour suited her. It highlighted her beautiful blue eyes. She kept her make up minimal, but the smile on her face was the best make up she could wear.

"It's a pleasure to see you Ms. Steele." I led her to the table, and we took a minute to order. I had it black and she had flat white. She instantly put the sugar away and tried her coffee. She nodded with approval and I grinned. I wouldn't take her somewhere she may not enjoy.

I listened to her video about ideas for a date on a low budget in a cosy atmosphere and I wanted to make sure she was comfortable. She was looking around the café and tried reading the titles on the backs of the books on shelves around us. The light here was natural, but it was dimmed by dark, heavy curtains.

"This place is amazing. I can't believe I haven't been her before. I see that you can borrow the books and read them while being here. Thank you very much for invitation, Mr. Grey." She looked me in the eye, and I knew she was being honest. I could see her excitement and that meant that at least I picked something her type.

"You're welcome, Ms. Steele. I thought you might like it in here."

"It's Ana or Anastasia." She said with a bright smile. I couldn't help but return it.

"Then you call me Christian, please." We shook hands as if we have just made an acquaintance. Anastasia was observing me carefully but didn't say a word for a few good minutes.

"I'm happy you finally called me. I was almost certain, you wanted to turn me down." She shook her head. Her eyes didn't leave me. She was weighing her words carefully.

"I had other things on my mind. I just wanted to process everything in my head and plan my time properly. I heard from your sister recently and she was ecstatic about the photos from the graduation. Apparently, you have never been photographed with a woman who wasn't your mother, or Mia."

"Mia mentioned she indeed knew you. I thought she was talking about you only as a psycho fan." She giggled and I enjoyed her sweet voice.

"She isn't that. She's really adorable although I'm more introverted. I met dr Trevelyan once. She's such a lovely woman. You're lucky to have such a caring family." What I liked about it was her honesty. When she mentioned Grace, I felt another positive vibe from her.

"What about your family Ms. Steele? Do you have any siblings?" Her face fell, or maybe it was just my imagination.

"I have half-siblings. Two brothers and a sister. They live with my mother and her husband in Savannah, Georgia. I grew up in Montesano, with the best man I've ever met, my Dad. Ray taught me everything, he pushed me to be competitive and ambitious. He always encourages me to believe in myself and always supports me as much as he can." I felt how much she loved her father. I could say almost the same thing about Grace. I wouldn't change it for the world.

"My mother is very much like your father. Although she doesn't always say it, she always roots for you and is there when you need them most." I remarked at how she described her father. She loves him very much. She also has strong feelings for her mother, but I didn't want to push her about it. Instead I asked her to tell me more about her father.

"Ray is… Ray. He's awkward with people but always sees the best in everyone. He works as a clinical psychologist and he does what he loves, and he always pushed me forward. What about your siblings. You have a brother, right? Eric?" I shook my head and corrected her.

"Elliot. Yeah. He's four years older than me. He owns a construction company. He's a total opposite of me. Elliot, Mia and I were all adopted. We look nothing alike. He's the most playful man I've ever me. I wish I could be as open to people as he is."

"I don't have an impression that you're reserved. I mean you seem to be in your public performances, but so far, I find you interesting, Mr. Grey. You seem very kind." I couldn't express how much meant to me a praise from her.

"Thank you if that is your impression. What do you like to do in your free time Ms. Steele?" I asked although I supposed the answer when she was looking around the café.

"Books, especially non-fiction, but I also can't refuse myself a cute detective story, or a dystopia. I have a great respect for Orwell and Atwood. All depends on my mood, I guess. What about you?" I knew who she was referring to. She had a good taste.

"When I picked this café, I was sure you loved English classics, like Austin or Brontë." She pursed her lips and suppressed laughter.

"That's really thoughtful of you. I mean these books are, as you said classics, but I don't consider myself a romantic. What do you like to do Mr. Grey?" I saw that she wasn't letting that go. She didn't like to repeat herself. She was used to getting her answers.

"I enjoy all sorts of physical activities. Mostly sailing and flying. I also run every day. Other than that, I'm interested in travelling. I love learning about different cultures around the world." I saw she was listening to me carefully. She looked like she wanted to remember everything I was saying.

"That sounds amazing. I guess you don't have too much time to delve into all of that with your busy schedule. I can relate to that." I don't know how much time passed, but I felt great in Ms. Anastasia Steele's company. She was so warm, but I felt like it was test of strength between the two of us. She was always keeping up with me and we were both constantly entertained. We didn't take out our phones even once. I realised that three hours flew like an arrow. I didn't want this meeting to end. There were still so many things I didn't know. I barely scratched a tip of the iceberg of her personality. I wanted more than I learned today. I wondered if she would be a good submissive. I was thinking if she would be willing to give up control for me for an established period. She was perfect for me. I was curious if she would enjoy submitting to me. It's been too long since I was involved with anyone, probably over half a year now. Something drew me to her. I couldn't resist her. I didn't want to fight it. I wasn't going to ask her about it for I didn't know how long, but I was already imagining her in front of me in the playroom.

I paid for both of us. It was kind she offered to pay, but she didn't have to. I wanted to treat her. I wanted to do that again.

"Did you drive here?"

"It's a twenty-minute walk from me, Christian." Before I could think I had another excuse to spend some more time with the lovely Ms. Steele.

"May I walk you then?"

"Thank you. Yeah, sure." We left the café and headed north to Ms. Steele's apartment. We were both quiet, but it wasn't because we had nothing to say. I was quiet because I had too many questions and didn't want to startle her. We had plenty of time, of course if she wanted a second date.

"I'd love to repeat that Mr. Grey. It was one of my best Sundays in months."

"I do to. How about we have lunch together? You could go somewhere, or just have it in my office, or I could take you out for dinner, or we could do something else?" I had to check if there were any interesting cultural events in Seattle this week. I had to find something I could enjoy with her.

"I'd love to have lunch with you, but I wouldn't like to take you out of the office. I know you're busy and I wouldn't like to do anything to disturb your day. When I work it's pretty much the same, I don't have regular working hours, just like you." Then it came to my mind.

You know, we could see in the same place. They have something light to eat and it's halfway from your place and my office. Does that sound good to you?" She thought for a while and nodded not looking at me for the first time.

We stopped by her building and I took her hand in mine. She was so small. I held it for a minute or two and eventually raised it to kiss it. She smiled and my other hand touched her cheek. Her skin was so soft. I needed more than that, but I didn't want to rush things. We had plenty of time and I knew at that point that she was worth waiting for.


	3. Chapter 3

_Here's another corrected chapter.  
Have a nice day!_

* * *

Chapter 3

Anastasia's POV

I didn't expect to enjoy that coffee date so much. He was so _normal. _I expected him to be bossy and a bit douchy. It felt so great to be wrong about that. However, I was instantly on alert. I'm hardly ever wrong about people. There had to be something missing. I barely know him.

I was baking zucchini for dinner when I heard a doorbell. I wasn't expecting anyone at that time. I checked who that was and opened the door surprised.

"Kate, is everything okay?" I let her in and ran to the oven.

"I'm sorry for coming so late, but it's an emergency. The wiring is down in my apartment and it won't be repaired until tomorrow evening. I need to charge my phone and take a shower." I was listening to her but at the same time I turned off the oven and took out the glass dish. I put it on a wooden cutting board and finally looked at Kate.

"Sure, no problem. I wish you called me though."

"I tried, but you didn't answer." She said calmly. I checked it. Yep, she called me three times. Before cooking, I was busy with article, so I had it on vibration.

"Right, sorry. Of course, you can stay. Do you have a charger? Mine is different, so I can't help you." She nodded and I put vegetables on two plates. Kate looked so grateful.

"What happened there?"

"My new neighbours are completely remodelling the apartment and the workers damaged the installation. They called an electrician, but it will take a while." We ate comfortably when my phone buzzed. I looked at the name and instantly smiled. He texted me again.

I decided to answer it when Kate isn't here anymore.

"Okay, do you want to stay for the night, or you're going to sleep in your place?" I needed clarification. I wasn't sure how to prepare breakfast, or if I needed to buy something in the morning.

"I'd like to stay if it isn't a problem. I mean, if I'm bothering you, I understand. I can just charge the phone and leave." I didn't mind having Kate around. She was a good friend. We used to be roommates. I loved her like a family as long as she wasn't with another guy every bloody weekend. She was too much for me in the long run.

"Okay. Yeah, you can. But I have to get up early, so expect that I'll kick you out at seven, is this okay for you?" I wanted to be sure that we were on the same page. I wasn't an early bird, but I had to continue writing and I needed to focus. As much as I liked her, I can't let to disturb my plans.

"Yeah, great! I have to go to work in the morning anyway. You're a lifesaver." She kissed me on the cheek, and I hugged her in return. Right, not everyone worked from home.

"I know." I grinned and brought her a towel. "Mind if I shower first?" I grabbed my phone and went to bathroom. I read the message from Christian and I was extremely excited. He wrote when he had time this week and I could choose what was convenient for me as well. Apparently, he was inviting me to dinner and it was another thing that surprised me. I knew he mentioned it, but I wasn't sure when he was about to do it. I guess I underestimated him. I texted him my answer. I looked at the phone again and I wanted to hear his voice. He answered almost instantly.

"Good evening, Ms. Steele."

"Hello, thank you for the invitation. I'd love to go to dinner with you." I had a feeling that it sounded desperate and I took a deep breath to relax. I didn't want to sound too excited. I haven't acted like this for months.

"I was typing my response when you called, Ms. Steele. I thought I was impatient!" He joked and I melted inside.

"I'll pick you up and bring you home afterwards, so you have nothing to worry about. I'll take care of everything. All I want for you is to enjoy yourself." It was unusual for me to look forward seeing another person.

"Where are we going?" He laughed. He wasn't going to tell me. "Christian, please. I'm not really a fan of surprises. Besides, I don't know if I should wear jeans or maybe a bit more elegant." It would be so awkward. I didn't want to be under or overdressed. That could really ruin the mood.

"Although you look great in your jeans, I'd rather you wear something a bit nicer. We'll go to a restaurant recommended by Mia. Apparently, the food is great there and I'm sure you'll love it as well. We're set?"

"Yes, we are! Bisous!" I ended the call and reminded myself that I wanted to shower. First, I brushed my teeth and later showered. I was absent-minded. My mind was drifting to that short conversation. I was fighting to remain logical. I needed to have it under control. _I missed being in control or under control._ I couldn't let myself fall for this man. No matter how good he seemed on the surface, I couldn't afford any disappointments. It all seemed too good to be true. I finally returned to Kate and she was scrolling her Instagram. Luckily, she didn't hear the conversation, or I would have to suffer at least an hour of her prattle.

I managed to keep Mr. Grey out of my mind until the day of our date. I decided to dress up a bit. I took a knee-length turquoise pencil dress with long sleeves and a pair of nude heels. Truth be told I had two pairs of heels, black and nude. I chose the former because it seemed more delicate. I didn't wear jewellery other than regular round studs in my ears and my watch. I loved jewellery on other people, but I felt like an idiot when I put anything else than bare minimum. My make-up was light, and I decided only to use a bit of dark pink lipstick.

Seven o'clock sharp I heard the knock on the door. I opened it and saw him smiling with a rose in his hand. He was wearing a suit, but his jacket was open, and he didn't have a tie. Last time I saw him he was wearing a sweater and chinos, but he also looked great in suits.

"I couldn't wait to see you again." He gave me the rose and I loved that small gesture. I appreciated it because I didn't have to carry it around with me.

"Thank you so much. I'll just put it in water and I'm ready to leave." I joined him and he took me by the hand. His car was waiting outside the building. The driver was a man in his thirties. Christian held the door for me and let me into the car. I found that gesture adorably old-fashioned. I was able to open the door myself, but I knew it was his way of showing respect. I appreciated that. It wasn't very popular nowadays.

"Ms. Steele, you look lovely." He said quietly as we sat comfortably. The car moved and I slowly began to allow myself to relax a bit. It was new to me. I was absolutely out of practice in terms of dating_. I haven't really dated in a traditional way._ My last boyfriend and I parted ways a long time ago. My love-life was no existent because I was too busy with other things. I didn't want to go into a relationship when I couldn't be as dedicated as my standards require me to be. However, I couldn't deny my needs forever and that's what I've been doing for the past two years.

"That's so nice of you. I'm really excited for another date with you Christian." I meant that. The ride was short, too short. His eyes didn't leave my face and I couldn't stop looking into his piercing grey eyes. He was so handsome, and I did my best not to fall for his charm. We spent hours in the restaurant, just talking and enjoying ourselves. He ordered a bottle of white wine to our meal and we relaxed even more.

"You're an interesting woman, Anastasia. I thought you'd be more… intimidated." I rolled my eyes and he clearly didn't like that.

"Well, I am, but just to an extent. I'm used to dealing with people who are more powerful than I am." I winked and took another sip of wine. I remembered not to drink too much, but I didn't want to seem over-analysing everything.

"Right. You do lots of interviews and are quite active. Have you ever thought about interviewing me?" His question blew me off. Wait, what? I mean, I wanted to, but I knew I would have Kate's interview in my mind all the time.

"I have, but I don't think that's a good idea. We see each other privately, so I don't want it to interfere with my work. Hopefully you understand." I bit my tongue. I knew it was the right thing to say, but it sounded as if I didn't appreciate his offer.

"I think I see your point, but if you'd like to, just let me know. What are your plans for now?" He offered to pour me more wine, but I shook my head.

"I've had enough wine. I'm a bit of a lightweight." His face changed immediately. I saw he was worried and wanted to take care of me.

"If you're not feeling well, I'll call Taylor to take you home. Just tell me, okay?" I nodded.

"I'm fine, Mr. Grey. Don't worry. I'm very good at self-control." We spent another hour talking and finally I told him I wanted to go. He paid for the bill and took me home. He held my hand through the ride, and he walked me to the door. He was close to me and I felt his heartbeat.

"Christian…" And the next moment I was kissing him. I started it, but he joined immediately. His tongue was in my mouth and I felt how much we stopped ourselves. His hand grabbed my hands and I couldn't move to touch him. I wanted to do that badly. His arms were strong and his grip was firm. Finally, he let me go and looked at me with lust. I breathed heavily and I knew I didn't want this night to end and so frustrated.

"Thank you very much for today, Ms. Steele." He kissed me tenderly on the cheek in a way that had nothing to do with the way we just treated each other.

"You're welcome. Next time I'm treating you and no objections. It might not be as fancy, but I hope you'll enjoy it."

"Let me know your schedule and we'll make time for this. I can't wait, Anastasia." I kissed him again and wanted to touch his chest, but suddenly he stopped me. He held my arm tightly, so I couldn't move it. I looked him in the eye and saw it was something serious. My hand didn't hurt. I was just surprised how fast he stopped me. He closed his eyes and shook his head. His grip loosened and I looked at him again.

"Is everything okay?" I was worried about him. Did I do something wrong? I didn't want to spoil such a perfect evening.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I should've probably told you that I don't like to be touched on the chest. I didn't mean to scare you." I opened my mouth surprised and thought for a while what to say. I knew people had different experiences that shaped them. I wondered what happened to him.

"I understand. I'd like to know how to make it better." I moved closer again, but he took a step back.

"I just want you too much. We'll talk soon again." I scowled and he chuckled. "Ana, Taylor has been waiting for me for over an hour. I'll call you tomorrow baby." And with that he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello,  
you'll find here chapter 4 with some corrections.  
Have a lovely day!

* * *

Chapter 4

Christian's POV

Anastasia didn't answer my calls and I began to worry I screwed it up. I really loved that night, and everything seemed so perfect. I was doing everything in my power to be the best version of myself, but my instincts were too strong. I didn't want to push her away. Her reaction was absolutely natural, she wanted physical contact. Consciously, I knew she wasn't going to hurt me, but something in me couldn't let that happen. I knew it shocked her and I immediately wanted to apologise to her. I wanted to make it work with her, but I was afraid that I wasn't capable of letting her in. I wanted to believe that eventually I'd want that, but I had no guarantee that it will happen. Besides, I wasn't sure if she would be right for me.

I texted her the morning after and thanked her, but I only received a short reply. It was written like an automated answer and I didn't know what to think about that. I knew she was busy and couldn't spend as much time with me as I wanted her to, but something in her attitude was alarming. She said she would contact me, when she's available, but she didn't.

I made the first call two days after the text, but I was sent directly to her voicemail. I tried again a few days later, but there was still no answer. I spent a week not really knowing what was going on with her. I checked all her media and I saw a new video and two articles, that is, her usual schedule.

I tried to calm myself down by saying that it is because she has her own life and I can't just walk in and demand anything from her. It was too soon to call us anything particular. I wasn't even sure if I could call her my girlfriend. I've never felt so uncomfortable about any woman. Probably because I've had only one real relationship and it didn't end well. I knew that Anastasia wasn't Leila. That was obvious. The only thing in common was on the surface. They are very much alike in terms of appearance, but their personalities were on the opposite sides of the spectrum. Leila was a submissive, Anastasia was not.

I couldn't spend another weekend sulking alone. I tried calling Elliot, but he was spending his evening in a typical way. I didn't see myself going with him, so I tried someone else. Mia was out drinking with her friends, again. She invited me to join her, but there was no way I would go out with my sister. I only asked her to be careful and to call me if she needs a ride home or if she wants me to pick her up. She was acting strange recently. There were days when everything seemed normal, but sometimes I was really worried. I thought about calling Ana again, but I didn't want to annoy her. If she didn't want to contact me, I understood. Well, not quite. I didn't expect Anastasia to be the type who ignores people and leaves with no word. Still, I had to respect her privacy. My mother was probably busy, and I wasn't too close with my father. We weren't close since I dropped out from school. He admitted he was wrong and said that he's proud of me. I knew he was often trying to reach out to me, but I didn't know how to interact with him. I constantly felt like I was one of the biggest disappointments in his life.

I had few close friends, but they were really important to me. Mark, for instance, was currently working in San Francisco. He was one of my best friends. We met in college and managed to keep in touch for years. I wish we spent more time together, but he was bust I valued my co-workers, but except for Ros, my COO, there was no one I talked to outside of the office. I was sure I was about to spend the entire day alone when I got an invitation from Daniel to have dinner with him and his girlfriend, Natalia. I didn't think twice. I quickly replied I'd come, and my mood improved. I could talk to them and maybe they would help me out a bit with Ana. I was curious what they thought about it.

* * *

"Finally, man, we haven't talked for over a month. Great you didn't look for an excuse." I always liked that Dan looked at me not like at a CEO, but just a friend. I knew I could rely on him anytime and that he'd be there to support me. He proved that when my relationship with Leila failed. He didn't judge me or pushed me back to people. Only few knew about her, I've never been seen with her in public. I never mentioned I was seeing someone. I wanted to keep my private life separate from work and that was the best thing I've done. My family obviously knew, but except for them, only a handful of people. Dan and Natalia were among them.

"I was actually thinking about contacting you, but I don't like calling last minute. I thought you might have plans and that I would only interrupt you." He simply shook his head and put his hand on my shoulder disappointed. He knew where I was comfortable with touching and that was the closest, I could get with someone I trusted. That was what I allowed my mother and father. Mia was an exception. I could hug her, but only for a short while. I didn't mind her, mostly because I remembered her as a defenceless baby.

"Then we would tell you we couldn't see you today. That's not a big deal."

"I know. I'll do better next time." I agreed to end it.

"The next time will be exactly the same!" I heard Natalia's voice from the kitchen. I waved her and she threatened me with a wooden spoon. Dan chuckled, but Natalia's voice was deadly serious. "Next time you'll call us and no bullshit."

"Yes, ma'am." I agreed. There was no point in arguing her. She's right about that, but it's hard to change habits.

"I was thinking that we eat and that later we could watch something, or you might tell us about that pretty lady from the photo." Natalia suggested and I sighed. _Pretty lady._ She sounded like grandma Trevelyan. I knew they were curious, and I wanted their opinion, but I didn't know exactly what to tell them.

"Oh, my… I knew there was a reason. It was your idea!" I pointed at Talia. Daniel didn't hide his amusement.

"Something is going on here and I can't wait to hear it from you, even if I have to force you to tell me." He said ironically. He had a talent for making people talk.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me." I came here for it, so it felt great that there were people who accepted me and wanted me around. Natalia asked Dan to help her in the kitchen and I stayed away. They knew that I wasn't much of a help even if I wanted to. I was capable enough to prepare basic things, but luckily, I had Mrs. Jones, who provided me with food. In this household, the majority of cooking was on Daniel, but I knew he loved it. We had fish with carrots, onions and other vegetables, which was something European, but I had no idea from which county. I could only tell that it wasn't a French dish.

"Thanks a lot. It was great, although I've never tried it before."

"Glad to hear that. It's mum's recipe and it was the first time I made it myself. I thought you'd be a good guinea pig. Tell me about Ana Steele."

"I met her at graduation. She had a speech and we hit it off. We went out together a few times. Yet now, she doesn't answer my calls. So, there's probably nothing going on." I was sad when I realised it. I didn't want to lose contact with her. Although I barely knew her, I was sure I couldn't lose her so quickly. She was the first person in years in whom I was genuinely interested. She made everything so simple and clear.

"Why? Did something happen? You talk about it as if she was history." Because I thought so.

"Maybe I'm overreacting, we kissed. Only once, for the record." I paused when I noticed his surprise and a weird approval. "She tried to touch my chest and I abruptly pushed her away. She said she would call me when she had time for the next date, but it's been a week and there's nothing. I called her twice, but no answer."

"Ouch." Natalia commented quietly. She shrugged and tried to think about it. Dan seemed also lost in thoughts. "I want details. All of it." I told them everything I learned about her, except for the things I knew that were meant only for me.

"She seems cool. I want to meet her." Natalia pouted and I couldn't stifle laugh. "Bring her next time. There will be a next time, don't worry. If she said she would call you, she'll do that."

"I certainly hope so."

"Yeah, me too. You were becoming more and more pain in the ass recently. I don't want to say that you need to get laid, but that you need to really relax. It's been too long for you since Leila." I wish that was possible. I loved that with them I felt what it was like to have this sound-minded brother. Elliot was intelligent and a great man and the best possible brother I could possibly ask for, but Dan was more consistent in his life and it appealed more to me than Elliot's casual lifestyle.

We watched just three episodes of The Vikings on Netflix and I was done for the day. I was exhausted, but somewhat relieved. I returned home, but I couldn't sleep although I really wanted to. I played the piano to lighten the mood and it did the trick. That visit calmed me down, but my thoughts were constantly drifting towards Ana. I was certainly overreacting; she will contact me when ready.

I checked my phone and realised it was well past two. I noticed two missed calls from Mia, and I knew what was coming. I was on my way in five minutes and I dialled her number when I was in the car. She needed to grow up. I hated patronising her. Technically, she wasn't technically my problem anymore. She was an adult and I offered to help her, but it was happening too often. She needed to act more responsibly. She wasn't in college anymore.

I called her again, but a different voice answered.

"Mia's phone." I knew that voice, but I didn't expect to hear it at two in the morning.

"Anastasia?" What was she doing there?

"Yes, Christian. It's me. I'm on speaker. Look, everything's fine. Mia called you to take her home, but she couldn't reach you. I told her I was the driver, but she seemed to forget that. The rest of the girls are safe at their homes. She drank too much and smoked probably even more. She's asleep now. I'm taking her to my place. You can pick her up in the afternoon, because she's going to have a terrible hangover and she didn't give me her current address." I exhaled in relief. Mia wasn't in trouble.

"Have you been drinking too? If yes, there's no fucking way I'll let you drive. I can be there in fifteen minutes." I didn't want to take any risk.

"Christian, I haven't been drinking." She responded sharply in a quiet but confident voice. "I drove today which means I only had water. Relax. Christian, how about we talk tomorrow? I'm tired and I want to keep an eye on Mia. I know you called me throughout the week, but I was really busy." I gulped and I wasn't sure how to answer. I wouldn't dare come near her if she spoke to me like this directly.

"Yeah, right. I'll be there, I'll take Mia home and I'll come back to you. Is that okay with you?"

"Great, goodnight."

"Ana… Thank you." She didn't answer and hang up. I returned upstairs. I had a quick shower and I couldn't stop thinking about this evening. I needed to talk some sense into Mia. I wasn't sure, but there had to be something wrong with her. She was lovely and excited, but I noticed that something in her changed recently, but I trusted her to tell me when she was ready. She always came to me with her problems and I had to trust her to do the same this time as well or maybe I shouldn't wait. I was lost.

Mrs. Jones was surprised that I wasn't awake by nine. I was surprised as well, but yesterday was too much. I worked in my study until it was time to pick up Mia from Anastasia. I barely cared what was going on around me. I kept going back to Ana's matter-of-fact tone when she told me about Mia's condition. I hoped she wasn't like this to me because she wanted to tell me that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I hoped that wasn't it. It was hard for me to say, but I seriously wanted to meet the real Anastasia.

I knocked and she let me inside. It was really the first time I looked at Ana's apartment and it stroke me how bare it was. She filmed here the videos. She changed something recently, but I didn't know what exactly. It was small, but the layout and furniture seemed functional. It had kitchen and living and working space together and there was a door to a bedroom and a bathroom on the right. I looked at my sister who was still sleeping on the couch and Ana put a finger to her lips, so I was quiet. She looked so tired. She tried to cover shadows under her eyes with make-up, but it was clear that she hadn't slept well for days. Maybe that was why she didn't call me?

"You can go to my bedroom. First on the right. She should be awake in an hour or so. I made a soup for Mia; I'll pack it for her, and I'll come to you in a few seconds. Want some? Or you'd prefer coffee?" I could never refuse coffee.

"Coffee, please. Black, no sugar."

"On it." I waited a few minutes and she came back with tea and sugar. She put it on a nightstand. There were already pads on it. It seemed like she often drank something hot there. I looked at the photos on her chest of drawers and I smiled. It felt so adorable. I noticed that her Dad was present on three photos. The first was taken at Ana's graduation. It surprised me that there was no one else. Ana's mother wasn't there, nor her siblings. Maybe it was because of Ray, or she had a different photo with the rest of the family. They both looked so happy, but what's more I could mostly see that Ray was proud of his girl. Something my father wasn't at the time. The second photo was taken by the lake. Ana was probably no older than fifteen years old. The third photo was super funny. It was a selfie taken by a middle-aged man. Ana and Ray were all dirty in baby blue paint. She was standing on a ladder and held a paintbrush. The room was a mess, but they had so much fun. The rest of the photos were with friends and with her guests.

"I see you feel comfortable here." I turned to look at her and she was right beside me.

"These are great, but your apartment seems empty. I remembered it was different when I last saw it. Ana nodded and opened her eyes wide in realisation.

"Shit. You're right! I was cleaning yesterday and put all the trinkets in a box. I completely forgot about it. Good you told me, because I sometimes spend a week without all of it and I realise when I see the video and the background looks like shit."

"Okay. I see your point. Ana, thank you for taking care of Mia. You don't look too good though. Is everything okay?"

"It's not the first time, although she really lost it yesterday. Now she's paying for it. She woke up all the time and puked all the time. She even puked in the living room. It was insane. I did the shopping in the morning and made the soup for the hangover." She told me the details of the event and I was really ashamed for Mia. Ana slowly drank her tea and I immediately wanted to apologise for my sister's silly behaviour.

"Oh, my. You should've let me take her. You need rest as well." I said dryly. I was becoming more and more irritated with her attitude. She should've let me help her. She gave a weak smile and shook her head.

"I don't mind it. When I lived with a roommate that was pretty much every weekend, so believe me… From time to time, it's not a problem. Besides, yesterday was great. I haven't relaxed this way in a long time." I took her hand and she showed me a few more photos.

"I'm happy to hear that, although I shouldn't let you do that. Next time you want to go out with friends, call me and I'll pick you up. Is that clear?" I demanded. I wanted her well-rested, not like this. If she was mine, I wouldn't let her be long in that condition. I wish she was truly mine. However, her eyes looked directly in mine and I knew I crossed a line.

"Christian, you forget yourself. If you want to talk to me, you have to change your tone. Otherwise, the door is right there." She hissed and I was taken aback by her immediate reaction. She blinked and her expression was now focused and sharp. I had to calm down. I didn't doubt her. She would throw me out of her apartment.

"I'm sorry, Ana. I overreacted. You're right. Seeing Mia like this, is just too much and I feel bad that it was on your shoulders. I was thinking if you'd like to hang out after I take my sister home and tell her off. We don't have to do anything special. You could maybe tell me the stories behind the photos in your bedroom?" I asked with hope. I wanted her to trust me. She was too precious for me, though I had no idea what drawn me to her. I couldn't risk losing her in that way. I needed to be more in control of my emotions. Especially, that I really felt something for Ana. It was very new to me, but I wanted her so much, I stopped acting rationally. That wasn't me.

"Or maybe you'd prefer going to bed and I won't bother you." I had to take into consideration she needed rest.

"You can come. I think that's a good idea. Christian." I moved to kiss her again. I turned to her and looked at her with amazement. Another thing that was special was how small she was. She was barefoot and she was more than head smaller than I. She looked me in the eye. She stood on her toes and I kissed her passionately. I held her hands firmly, but she didn't attempt touching my chest again. We sat on the bed and I continued to touch her hair and face. I wanted to fuck her so much, but it was too early for that. I didn't want to proceed too fast. I hoped we had plenty of time. Ana also touched me. She observed my reactions carefully. Her hands were so soft, but her touch was testing me. I kissed her neck when I heard Mia's voice from the other room.

"ANA!" Ana immediately was back in control. She moved away from me. _Too fast._

"We'll go back to that later." She kissed me and went to Mia. I waited for a few minutes before I decided to join them. Mia's face went pale and Ana had a triumphant smile. She knew that was going to end like this. She was really enjoying herself when she was looking at the exchange between my sister and I. Mia dressed back in her clothes. She was a lot taller than Anastasia, but she slept in women's clothing. It certainly wasn't Ana's.

"Mia, you look like shit. Just finish up and we should get going. Ana needs rest after what you put her through yesterday." I tried to be as calm as possible. I was angry, yet at the same time I was grateful that she was taken care of. I looked at Anastasia and decided to come closer. Mia knew I met her. Everyone did. I took her by the hand. Ana muttered she was fine, but the shadows under her eyes meant something else. Mia and I left the apartment. A few minutes later we were at Mia's place. She wanted to leave the car, but I stopped her. I wanted to talk to her on the way, but I wasn't sure what to say.

"Mia, is something bad happening? Do you need help? Because I really don't know what you were thinking yesterday. Ana told me how much you drank and about the weed. If there's something bad going on, please tell me. But if it's just your idea of fun, then it's really time to put an end to that. I mean it Mia. You have a job, your life. Please don't lose it in such a stupid way. I love you, okay." She nodded but didn't say anything about the situation.

"She was really nice to me, you know?"

"She packed you a soup, so you have something to eat for the day."

'That's thoughtful. Christian, I'll tell you, but I'm not ready yet." I walked her to the door and went back to Anastasia. I was worried about Mia, but I couldn't force her to tell me what's going on. Ana let me in, and I noticed that she unpacked the decorations from the box and her apartment looked cosy again.

"If you like we can prepare a quick spaghetti, or I can order a take-out." That was something I could help her with, so I opted for the first offer. It gave us time to enjoy such a simple activity and feel _normal._ I loved it. If being with Ana meant going vanilla, I was seriously thinking about it. She clearly wasn't a submissive.

We sat on the bed where she put hard cardboard, so that we had space to eat. It was practical and so funny.

"I didn't think you'd eat in bed." She rolled her eyes and took her plate further from mine.

"Why's that?" She scoffed. We ate and later she explained me the story behind some of the photos. That was when I noticed that there were three empty frames. I was wondering what happened to those particular photos. These were her happiest memories. She adored going back to these moments. I wanted to hug her so much, but I knew I would only end up pushing her away again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Ana's POV

"Your Dad seems like a really cool guy. I'd like to meet him." Christian said after I told him how Ray and I went on road trips together, whenever I had any break from school and later college. We would jump into the car and pick a random spot on the map of the Washington state. I wanted to do that again. I made a mental note to call my Dad and ask him for another trip. I knew he lived for these weekends when I came to see him. I didn't have _other plans _anyway.

When Christian said he'd like to meet him I could think of only one response.

"I'm sure he'd like to meet you too. I don't socialise too much, so that would make him calmer about me." I smirked. Well, seriously I wanted Ray to meet Christian. I was sure they would get along. I wasn't too eager to introduce my friends to Christian and my Dad. Ray knew about Kate, but most of my social circle was made of particular kinds of people where I fit in just fine.

"What about the other people from these photos?" He pointed at the photo of campfire during my third year of university. I barely recognised these people.

"I don't know them. We were at WSU together, but on different majors. I went there with Kate, but it was one of the best social events." I pointed at the photo at girl sitting next to me. Christian looked carefully at her." There was lots of alcohol, but people didn't act like total idiots. Some guy brought the guitar, we played cards. We talked, we laughed. It was one of the things I can call my college experience, because I was working on my website, when I wasn't in class." I explained quietly. It was a great memory.

"That night reminded me that I was only twenty-one." I held his hand and relaxed.

"Why is this woman familiar?" He was looking at Kate puzzled, he obviously remembered her.

"It's my best friend, Kate Kavanagh." His face fell and that could only mean one thing. He remembered it very clearly. For a few seconds his face didn't show anything, and I wasn't sure if I wanted him to say it or not. I waited patiently and carefully observed his reactions. I realised that the corners of his lips were raised and that he was stifling laugh. Finally, he couldn't stop himself and his laughter filled the room.

I looked at him interested if that was the situation that was funny, or he had something else on his mind. He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes to relax.

"Sorry, baby. I just remembered something hilarious and a bit stupid " It was the first time he called me baby and I liked the way he said it. My eyes didn't leave his face. "I met this friend of yours before the graduation. God, it was so awkward. Kate was nagging my staff for an interview for nine months and when she showed up, she asked me the dumbest and unprofessional questions I've answered in years!" I chuckled. I told her the same thing when I heard the recording. _Poor Christian._

"What kind of questions?" I asked innocently. I knew what he was going to say, but I was enjoying this moment a little too much. I knew how important this interview was for Kate and the newspaper. He really could've thrown her out of his office and cancel his attendance in the ceremony.

"She asked me, how did I start my company, what makes me successful, how do I spend my free time..." He said in monotonous voice like it was the most boring thing on Earth. I was waiting for the bomb to fall, and it did. "and she asked me if I was gay." He finished and I couldn't stop myself anymore. From what I've managed to learn about him, he was certainly not gay.

"I guess, I can see for myself that you're not."

He kissed me to silence me and I didn't protest. I have never been intrigued by anyone like this before. There was something in him that drew me stronger than I thought it was possible. He was on alert to stop me if I wanted to touch him. I wasn't sure exactly why he was acting like this, but I needed to respect that. _It was his limit. _That was the least I could do. He finally let me go, but it didn't mean I forgot about the story. I _would learn everything about him._

"I think I have a proof." I joked and noticed that he was enjoying that kiss as well.

"Thank you for your bright observation Ms. Steele." His hand was on my neck and he was drawing small circled with his finger.

"How did you react to this comment?" So far, he was being honest with what happened during the interview. It pleased me more than he could know.

"I might have told her off, but not too much. She apologised instantly, so I brushed it off and pretended that nothing happened. I let her finish that interview, although I think I punished her accordingly by not confirming my arrival till deadline" His tone lost the funny tone. He was serious at that moment.

"You know there was a chance that I might have been the person to conduct that infamous interview?" He smiled and shook his head.

"I'm sure I'd enjoy more meeting you than Ms. Kavanagh. That's why I remember this graduation so clearly." I recalled our first conversation during the afterparty '_too embarrassing to admit' It wasn't that hard. _

"I think this year was also great." I wanted to show him a photo with the Kavanaghs, but Christian asked me something that made me jump in surprise. It was the first time he caught me off guard.

"Why isn't there a photo of your mother anywhere?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to share with him the story between my lovely mother and me. But, on the other hand, if I was going to treat him serious from the beginning than he ought to know. He understood it was a delicate matter, so he wanted step back.

"I didn't know it was such a difficult topic. If you're not comfortable with this, you don't have to tell me." I heard he was upset, but it wasn't his fault. It was a legitimate question and I wanted to answer it as calmly as I could, not in details, but to draw a picture of my family.

"My mother left me when I was four. She has a new life, an entire new family and I'm just a reminder of her irresponsibility as a teenager. She had me when she was very young. Ray isn't my real Dad. He died when I was a month old. Ray is the only parent I've ever had." I somehow managed to explain. I wanted him to hug me, but I knew that it wouldn't happen. He could only hold my hand tightly to express he was sorry although it wasn't something that concerned him.

"I shouldn't have asked. Sorry, Ana. It was as rude as Kate's interview." He made me smile again. I liked that his presence made me feel better. _Maybe he was good for me, but I wasn't sure._

"It's okay."

"You said something about socialising. I know quite a few people who can't wait to meet you." I told him the story behind the rest of the photos, and it was slowly getting late. I was exhausted after this fuck up with Mia and bonding with Christian. I wanted him to stay for the night, but I wasn't sure if he'd like this idea. I didn't plan it. He could sleep either in my bed or on the couch. No, I needed to freshen up the couch before letting anyone sleep on it. Or maybe I could take the couch and leave him the bed? I didn't know.

"Christian. It's getting late and…" He released my hand and looked me. He was upset.

"Why didn't you say anything earlier? I wish you told me. You must be exhausted." I let him finish and I told him what I meant.

"I'm not throwing you out. If I wanted you gone, I would tell you about it. I wanted to ask you if maybe you'd like to stay for the night? You can take the bed; I'll take the couch. I won't let anyone take the couch until it smells alcohol." I smiled to reassure him. I didn't want to have sex with him. _At least not today_, but I wanted to show him I felt comfortably around him. Maybe it was too early, but I liked him, and he seemed to feel the same way about me. I hoped I wasn't wrong.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." He said after a pause. "That was very thoughtful of you and I'm really thankful, but I don't want to cause you trouble. You had a sleepless nightbecause of my little sister. You need rest." He sighed and continued. "Besides, I often have nightmares and I don't want you to lose your sleep another day in a row because of someone from the Greys." He admitted apologetically. He didn't have to worry about me. I wanted to spend time with Mia. I promised her I would take care of her, so I didn't see a problem about the fact I let her stay over. I had a problem, because I knew there was something going on and I didn't know how to help her, because she wouldn't talk to me.

"Don't worry about that. I can take care of myself." _I always do._

"Why didn't you answer the phone, Ana?" I knew he would ask me that eventually and I wanted to be honest again. We wouldn't build anything without _trust. _

"I was busy. I was writing articles. I had two interviews and I had a doctor's appointment. Apparently, I have anaemia and I need to slow down a bit, which is possible, but I have to remember about diet, folic acid and iron. That's it." I've always had problems of this nature. I was never able to do any sport, because I was a bit weaker than my friends.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I understand."

"Plus, I was wondering if we are right for each other, but I realised that by pushing you away I won't know." I paused for a moment. There were so many things I enjoyed about this man, but I couldn't completely let go.

"So, do you want to stay over? If I know about the nightmares, then I won't be surprised when they come. There's nothing to worry about." I didn't know how to comfort him, because he was clearly torn. I had to be careful here. He probably wouldn't call it a limit, but I saw there was something very difficult for him.

"If you're sure." I nodded. "I'll text Taylor to bring my stuff for tomorrow." I washed the cups and the rest of the dishes, when I felt Christian's hand on my shoulder. I turned to kiss it put my cheek on it.

"Mia just sent you a 'thank you text." He pointed at my phone and I saw that too. A few minutes later Taylor brought a small bag and left without a word.

I took a quick shower, changed into pyjamas, and made the bed for Christian and for myself. When he reappeared, I noticed how lovely his hair looked when wet. I always washed mine in the morning. I braided them, because I knew that dealing with women's hair was somewhat frustrating for men.

My laptop was opened, and I was going through the emails and I looked up recent statistics from my blog and I was satisfied with the results. There was a steady increase in number of viewers between fifteen and eighteen years old and that could only mean that these videos were becoming educational for high school students.

"Anastasia. It's late, even I'm not checking my email at eleven at night. You need rest."

"But I don't want to sleep yet." I protested. After a few minutes of verbal exchange, we decided to watch something short. I let him choose, with restriction to one episode. We pulled the cushions and sat comfortably next to each other. The laptop was on a small coffee table in front of the bed. I wasn't sure what I was watching. I knew that turning off the light was not the cleverest idea. I took the quilt, to feel cosier while watching. Later I was about to go to the couch.

"I don't mind when your back touches me. Just please not your hands, okay?" Christian whispered to my ear and I smiled although he couldn't see that. He put his arm around me, and I remembered how much I loved this.

…

In the morning, I felt too warm. I opened my eyes to see that we fell asleep. Christian's arm was wrapped around me and he was right behind me. We actually slept together. I knew he was still asleep, but I gently released myself and got up. He didn't look like he was having a nightmare. Quite the opposite, he looked like it was an amazing dream. I didn't have a heart to wake him up. I spent almost half an hour looking at him shamelessly. He was incredibly handsome, and he was well aware of that. He was very much my type. I couldn't stare at him forever though. I went to the bathroom for my morning routine. I washed myself including my hair and put an oil on it. I made some tea and prepared breakfast.

I went back to him and I noticed him move. I touched his hand and he suddenly moved.

"Ms. Steele, Ana?" I laughed. Who else did he expect?

"That's right. Breakfast is ready."

"We slept together." He stated and I just nodded.

"Nothing happened. You slept like a baby and by the way you looked adorable." I mocked him a bit, but I saw he wasn't listening to me anymore.

"I haven't slept so well in years. Seriously, Ana. That's so great!" He got up and put him self together. At that time, I made him coffee and we ate in relative silence. We went to Kinnear Park and spent there most of the day. Later, we had lunch together, but around three I asked Christian to walk me home. He held my hand all the time and we had so much fun together. The walk took us longer than needed, but I knew I didn't have more time for him, although I really wanted it.

"I promise, I'll call you around Wednesday, is that okay?"

"Next weekend we'll spend together in my place." I heard excitement in his voice, and I couldn't refuse him, but I was about to make plans with my Dad. I could give him only one day. I wanted him too much, to think rationally all the time and what was the best about him, was that I felt safe.

"This weekend I'm going to see Dad, but I'll have the entire Sunday for you." He kissed me on the cheek.

"We're set then. Have a good day, Ana."


	6. Chapter 6

Hello,  
The update you see, are all the corrections I made to this story so far.  
However, stay tuned because I'm going to post seventh chapter **_very _**soon.  
It will establish a few important things about Ana. _Any ideas?_

* * *

Chapter 6

Anastasia's POV

My Dad was always happy to hear that I was coming home. He was the most important person in my life. I couldn't imagine what would I do without him. He was always there whenever I needed him. I could talk to him about everything and I knew he would always support me.

"Annie! You're finally here!" He hugged me and I realised how much I've missed him. Even if I came only for one day, I was still going to enjoy it to the fullest.

"I'm so happy to finally see you, really see you." We spoke on Skype and messenger but that wasn't the same. Feeling his arms, seeing his smile was worth more than anything.

"I know. Where are we going this time? Or you prefer to stay at home?" My Dad and I liked to spend our days visiting other towns and cities in Washington State and this time I hesitated between staying in and going somewhere. In fact, I knew that coming home was the best thing I could do. I always felt safe here. What is more, I knew I could talk about anything with my Dad. He was a great listener, probably one of the reasons why he was a good psychologist. He handled people well and he seemed to always be calm. I always looked up to him. Unfortunately, he was becoming weaker every year and I realised that I had to appreciate him as long as possible. I wanted him to know that I loved him very much.

"At first I was really keen on going to Port Townsend, but now I think I'm good right here." I hugged him again. We had lunch together and as I always we didn't say anything because I wasn't sure how to tell him about my recent 'friend.' I didn't know how to label us. I wasn't _technically _his and he wasn't mine. I wanted to make it work. I wasn't exactly sure how, but I wanted him. I wanted to understand him.

It was warm outside so after lunch we sat outside and looked at the forest right behind Ray's home. I always felt safe here. It was so peaceful and quiet.

"Carla called me the other day." He started shyly. I looked at him puzzled. I didn't know why, but I didn't like this tone.

"And?" I said more angrily than I wanted. I shouldn't take that personally. I mouthed 'I'm sorry' to Ray. I calmed down. I accepted that I wasn't a priority in her life. She made that choice years ago, twenty-two years ago if I wanted to be precise. I got used to the fact that I had no mother. The parent that counted the most was Ray. The last info from her was a short comment about my photo with Christian. That was it. She was busy living her life.

"She said she was curious how you're doing." He admitted. "I told her you're doing great and that she has nothing to worry about." He concluded dryly. I looked at him and I realised that although he didn't want to admit that, he also didn't think about her very well. I constantly admired how chill he was with me and how reserved he was with her. She should really be grateful for everything he did to her.

"You're right. Do you have any idea why she called?" I wanted to know if I was about to expect a sudden call from Carla about another meaningless topic or to listen a prattle about my social life or lack thereof, at least in her opinion.

"No, though she sounded a bit suspicious. She was constantly asking how your job is and if you have a good life and I told her to back off, because I was tired of listening to that." I hardly ever heard Ray saying anything negative about Carla. He always spoke about her a bit reluctantly, but always with a weird respect. Now, that was gone. He's had enough.

"I absolutely can relate. The last time she called me she commented on my photo with Christian Grey." I did my best to hide my emotions behind a mask of indifference. However, Ray instantly caught that he wasn't just a friend.

"This Grey man, is he good to you?" I nodded, but I couldn't really answer to his question. I've known him for a very short while. So far, he's been very kind to me, but there was a lot more to discover.

"He is. We're kind of dating, but it's still very new to us, so please be discrete about it." I frowned.

"Annie, of course I'll be discrete. Aren't I always?" He mocked me and I instantly laughed at my stupid realisation.

"Of course, you are." I told him about my first dates with Grey and he was really relieved that I was finally seeing someone. He was afraid that my previous _relationship_ would deter me from having a connection with another man. For a very brief moment I believed that. I was sure, that I was damaged, and I couldn't be loved by anyone, but recently I changed. I felt hope again that maybe there will be a man who won't be there only to break me. I had to be positive. Otherwise, it would only be a self-fulfilling prophecy. There were many good people out there. I _hoped _that Christian was one of them.

We spent the entire day discussing documentaries about European socio-economic context and we compared European Countries to the US. Ray loved learning about Britain, and he was super excited when I wanted to discuss it with him. Ray lived in Scotland for a year before I was born, and he was very fond of Scots. He said that these were the funniest and kindest people he's ever met. When I was about to go back to Seattle, he gave me another long hug and he wished me all the best.

"Next time we'll go to Port Townsend. Today, I was happy I could catch up with you." We didn't tackle the subject he mentioned briefly once. I heard he was interested in Ms. Rhodes, the local librarian. He mentioned he wanted to ask her out, but I wasn't sure if it was the right time to ask him about her. Personally, I didn't know her very well. She moved in when I was already away.

"Always. Love you!" We took a quick photo to my collection and I returned home. I let Christian know that I was safe and sound and that we would see each other the following day. He asked me to let him know I was safe, so I kept my promise. My dad and I spent a superb day together and I couldn't wait for another round.

* * *

About the middle of August, I realised that I've been seeing Christian for over two months. We spent only weekends together because of our busy schedules, but that made me appreciate every minute with him even more. These were the days when I was half-asleep till midday. I cleaned a bit and had something to eat, but nothing remotely. I wrote an article explaining what a credit score is and sent it to my editor just in case. Christian didn't tell me exactly what he wanted to do. _I didn't like surprises._ Yet I trusted him enough to know, he wanted me to enjoy the time. I was curious what he was aiming for. I had no idea what to expect.

He finally came and I was totally happy to see him again.

"This week was too long." He kissed me gently and entered my space.

"What have you planned for us?"

"First, I was thinking about a lovely walk, a coffee maybe and later we could go on improv show." My eyes lit when he mentioned improv. I said that only once and he remembered that.

"I'm down for it."

"My friends mentioned about improv evening, so you could meet them." He admitted shyly. It was uncommon to see Christian Grey uncomfortable.

"I'd love to." I didn't know how it was possible, but whenever I was with Christian, I felt vulnerable. I knew he wouldn't leave me alone, so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. He always made sure that I wasn't hungry, thirty, cold or anything else. I made sure I didn't touch him on his chest and back and talked to him directly.

The improv show was held in an Irish pub. I forgot how much I enjoyed the ambiance of places like these, they were loud and inviting. I began to appreciate them when I was out of college. While studying, I was also busy working, so I didn't have a typical college student life. There were moments when I felt like I missed something, but when I put more thought into that, I realised that I was only talking bullshit about myself and that it needed to stop. I worked hard for where I was, and I had a right to enjoy it.

We finally went to the right room and a tall pale woman beckoned us. Christian smiled and took me by the hand to her.

"Ana, meet Natalia, my friend. Where's Dan?" He said loud enough, so she could hear him. People were really loud, and people were raising their glasses all the time.

"He's at the bar. I kept a place for you."

"I'll be right back. I'll bring us something to drink, but non-alcoholic." He said and left me with this unfamiliar woman. She literally crashed me in a hug, and I was a bit uncomfortable. I shivered and she noticed that. She pulled away and I knew she was sorry.

"I'm just happy to finally meet you. Christian couldn't stop talking about you." She giggled and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. She told me that she worked as a photographer. I made a mental note about that fact. Nobody could expect when some contacts might be useful.

"It's nice to meet you. It's great we met at short forms. They're usually less people and the atmosphere is more relaxed.

"You're right! Oh, our men are coming back." She looked behind me and I turned to look as well. Christian laughed at his friend's joke and he acted his age which was amazing to see. He held two glasses of orange juice and Dan had one beer in his hand.

They were back and I introduced myself to Daniel. He was less expressive than his girlfriend, but we immediately hit it off. I think I met him before, but I wasn't sure exactly where. We watched the first part of the show and I was impressed at the way these guys performed on stage. It looked so easy on the surface, but I knew it required lots of work to be decent at improv. During the break between the first and the second part I talked mostly to Natalia about recent orders she took. She was specialising in weddings, so she had lots of experience with portraits and weird expectations from her clients. It never ceased to amaze me how much people spent on weddings. Photography was not considered a petty job; photos were considered an art and there were photographers who could work wonders. Natalia concluded that in a simple statement.

"If people want to pay me for what I do, then that's what I'm about to do." I liked that she was so open-minded and witty. I knew I wanted to see them again. Christian was busy talking with Daniel and I didn't want to interrupt them, especially as I really had a great time with that positive woman I've just met. I watched Christian discretely and I liked the way he interacted with his friend.

We watched the entire show and there was a game called "Day in the Life" and the performers asked for a volunteer from the audience. We were all surprised when Daniel stood up and said he wanted to play. Natalia lost it before he even spoke. I didn't know what happened that day at that point to understand what made her laugh, but I thought it wasn't something he would say in public. I saw that Christian felt a bit awkward when Daniel mentioned that "a friend called him for advice about a woman." He was trying to keep a straight face, but when he was brought into the story, he wasn't pretending anymore that it was as interesting as the manual of the washing machine. I reached out for his hand and squeezed it. I smiled at him.

"That was another great surprise Thank you!" The performance ended and we spent another hour together with Christian's friends at the table. Later, we said goodbye and went in different directions.

"They were very kind. I'd love to repeat that." I said enthusiastically.

"I'd like that too." Taylor drove us back to my apartment and Christian came upstairs for a minute. I touched his cheek and stroked his dark hair. He didn't stay for the night. I promised we would see each other during the weekend. I was about to go to bed when I saw a text from my friend Adam. "Do you have time on Saturday evening? We could use your help." I quickly replied. "On it."


	7. Chapter 7

_Hello again,_  
_As promised I'm posting chapter 7. This one's a blast! and I suppose it might me like a Spanish Inquisition for you.  
Hopefully you'll enjoy it. I can't wait to see your reactions :) _

_Coronavirus is a serious problem, but don't panic! :)_  
_ Please don't leave home more than absolutely necessary. If possible work remotely. The quarantine is for a good reason. Remember about personal hygiene and keeping at least one metre distance from anyone you see.  
TAKE CARE  
_

* * *

Chapter 7

Anastasia's POV

I can't remember when the last time was that I felt so content. I felt like everything was in right place and I hoped that nothing would change anytime soon. I felt amazing. My followers noticed that as well. I read plenty of comments that I seem happy and wished me all the best. I usually hid my emotions well, yet right now I didn't want to do that. When Adam texted me, I felt excitement, but at the same time I wondered what Christian would think about it. I hadn't told him about my preferences, and I didn't want to accidentally scare him off. Everything worked out fine for now, but I had to be prepared to talk to him about my social circle. I have met one of his best friends. I had to come up with an idea how to talk to him. I liked him too much and I didn't want to lose him so fast. I haven't played for a while now. For the past months I've been on call to serve as Dungeon Monitor and I accepted this responsibility. It was one of the ways I could be actively present in the community and contribute to the best of my ability. Adam Morris hosted a party once or twice a month and he always made sure there was at least one female DM to make everyone feel comfortable. DMs were necessary to ensure everyone's safety and in case of emergency stop the scene and call for help. I took that role very seriously. This could be literally a life or death situation, so there was no place for any mistake. I remembered only a few situations where an intervention was needed, but that only increased my vigilance. I wasn't the main responsible tonight. I found my oxfords, black trousers and a shirt. I put a bit heavier make-up than usually, but I was in the right mood for it. I made sure my phone was charged, that my documents were in the right place and that I was in general ready to go. I texted Christian if maybe he wanted to stop by and have wine with me after the party. If he wasn't available, I could manage on my own.

I made sure I was early enough at Adam's. He invited me inside.

"Thank you for coming today." We shook hands and I warmly hugged his sub Louise. She was very excited, and I could see how happy she was.

"Thank you for invitation Master Morris. It's great to see you both." I got my coffee and we ran through the plan for the evening. There was going to be a lecture on consent and a demo of suspension. The kitchen and dining area were the fun and socialising zone. The play zone was in the basement. There were also two private spaces, yet only senior members could access them. I greeted Simon, the other DM for the night. We've worked together many times before and we were always a very good team. I looked over the area and later greeted the guests. It was great to be among these people. I've never had more supportive friends than here. I didn't know everyone, but it didn't matter. Everyone took privacy seriously. Whatever happened here wasn't going to be mentioned by anyone later. I made sure that nothing they brought breached the rules. When everyone was present, we moved to different spots. Simon and I knew exactly who took which part. I remembered there were moments when I wanted to play with someone. Today not so much. I was serious about Christian. I circled through the house with regular pauses and I noted that everyone was discussing their holidays. I almost forgotten about my own because it was so long ago. Right now, I was focused again on college-related content because people were about to go to uni. I talked to people, but only briefly. I was blending in although everyone was aware of our presence. That was a difficult experience, however truly rewarding.

I listened to a lecture on consent and as always, I was saddened to hear about the misunderstandings concerning the lifestyle, but also how vanilla people had problems with consent. Sometimes I felt like we were more normal than as society calls them "normal" people. When they moved to the demo, I noticed that Simon had that covered and I watched at the lovely couple preparing the scene. I knew that was a topic that interested many people, but it took a lot of practice and skill to conduct. One demo wasn't enough for people to learn how to do it properly. It was to present one of many ways and to inspire a discussion on it. I noticed that two couples moved more to the kitchen area and I noticed that the sub shivered. I moved closer to them, but not too close. They did nothing wrong. They knew they could always come and ask any question. I never imposed myself on anyone, but I was ready to help them.

"It's fantastic to see you today." The man said.

"You too, Master Decker."

"She's a bit nervous. It's her first party." Brandon Decker was one of the senior members. It was fantastic to see him so happy with this woman. She was probably a few years older than me and she looked amazing. Her hair was up, but I could see those brown curls. I saw how he looked at his companion. He was serious about her and that was the best news. I nodded in understanding.

"It's okay to be nervous. You're with friends. We're happy to have you here." I reassured her and I noticed a small smile. Brandon always took good care of his people.

"Thank you, …" She looked confused at Brandon.

"It's just Steele today. Enjoy the party." The rest of the evening was peaceful, and one could say boring, but not for me. I loved watching how couples of different orientations interacted with each other. I exchanged contacts with some of the new people. I missed that a bit, but I knew I've never been happier than with my current situation. When it was time for guests to leave, we helped with cleaning and the dishes. I was exhausted and I wanted a drink. I was happy I didn't wear heels because I wouldn't be able to walk the next day. Adam and Louise were exhausted as well. He tucked her in bed and returned to Simon and me.

"It's great to have such friends." I laughed and thanked for the compliment.

"It was great. Many new faces, but everyone had their heads in the right place. I wish it was always like that."

"Somebody asked me if you'd be attending the next party." I thought about it for a second.

"I don't want to play with anyone, Adam." Party was over, so the protocol didn't apply anymore.

"I know, but I promised I'd ask you about it. I think they counted on a demo." I understood, but I wasn't sure about it.

"Thanks. It's too late for me to think clearly and it was a very long day. We'll talk about it during the week okay?" It took me almost an hour to get home. It was late, but Christian said he didn't mind it. I still had my make up and dark clothes on. I heard a knock on the door and invited him.

"I missed you. You look fantastic, though a bit different than usual." He kissed me and I remembered not to hug him. I took his hand and put it on my cheek. I returned the gesture immediately. It was one of the ways I could touch him and not trigger him.

"I missed you too." I said quietly. Despite being tired I was very happy to see him here. I noticed a bottle in his hand. "Just one glass." He opened the bottle and poured me a glass.

"I take it was a rough evening." He said when we sat on the couch and almost instantly closed my eyes when he started to rub my shoulders.

"It was exhausting, but great. I met some new people and saw old friends. How about you?"

"I took time to stop by my family. My parents are worried about Mia. We told her we'd be there for her when she needs us." That was good news. Since our last meeting she contacted me twice and we spoke on the phone.

"Say hi to Grace next time."

"I will. I'll help you with your make-up. Just tell me where you keep your toiletries." I smiled and directed him to the bathroom.

"Although you look amazing. I can't let you go to bed like this." He washed off my make-up gently. I was sure he had moments like this before. _Maybe not exactly like that, but similar. _

"Thanks. You know I could do that myself?" I asked.

"Of course, but I wanted to." I relaxed and kissed his nose. I grinned.

"That was very kind of you. You want to sleep here or in my bed?" I asked before I turned to bathroom to shower.

"Just go. I'll take care of that." I cleaned the rest of my make up and took my time under the water. I put my fluffiest pyjamas and brushed my teeth. My bed was made, and Christian looked at me in surprise. "It took you shorter than I thought." I lay down in bed and turned off all the lights except the one on my nightstand. I thought I'd read something before falling asleep, but the letters were blurred. I could read in the morning.

* * *

Christian's POV

There was something special about her. I felt so calm and accepted with her as if she understood me. When she asked me to come in the evening, I was more than willing come over. I had to find a way to make it work with her. I could finally sleep through the night; she could calm me down. I haven't met anyone like that until her. We were planning to spend Sunday together, but I didn't make any plan. I had too much on my plate recently. Working with a new assistant raised my blood pressure every now and then. The perspective of seeing Anastasia during the weekend was the brightest part of it. She was so refreshing. I felt alive when with her and I knew I couldn't fuck that up.

"Would you prefer to stay here for the day or leave the city for a while?" I asked after we finished eating.

"I thought you'd never ask. Where are we going?"

* * *

_See you soon!_


	8. Chapter 8

Hello,  
I'm posting another chapter.  
Have fun!  
I'll post the next one very soon.

* * *

Chapter 8

Christian's POV

Just a few years ago I would say I hated spending time with people. Right now, I saw it differently. I hated being among _wrong _people. It took me so long to leave toxic people in the past. Now I was at the point when I could finally look in the future with clear head and optimistic thoughts. I knew that it was mostly thanks to Anastasia. She brought peace and sense of stability. I knew I could count on her and that she was reliable. She was usually busy but could almost always find a second in the evening to text me and ask about my day. It was one of routines which helped us navigate this relationship. It was very new to me. I was thinking how to talk to Ana about my tastes, but I chose not to. I wanted her, but I was certain she would never submit to me. I had to accept that and move on. I enjoyed the lifestyle, but if she was vanilla… I was seriously wondering what to do. Maybe she'd be willing to try? Maybe I could teach her one or two things? Fuck, I should never picture her on her knees.

Mark recently came back from San Francisco and we met at Daniel's. Natalia was out on a meeting with a client, so there were only three of us. Wedding season was not over yet, so she was constantly working late hours. When I was younger, I was the same as the ladies, but when I crossed thirty, I realised that I had to slow down. This is how I could still find passion and find room for my family and friends. For years I was sure that I would always be unhappy. I thought I deserved it. I couldn't be more wrong.

"I thought you'd stay there forever." Daniel pulled Mark into a hug. I wish I could do the same. They both respected my limits and they knew everything about me. We only shook hands.

"It was close, but no. My closest family lives here. My friends are here. California isn't for me."

"That's great. A lot of things changed since you were away." Dan looked with dreamy eyes. It was amazing that they managed to figure their shit out. It took them over two years to finally come together and now they both seem happier than ever.

"It's about time. If I were her, I would've left you behind long ago." Mark joked, but his voice was totally serious.

"What are you up to now?" I asked him. Mark was a lawyer who specialised in sexual offences. He opened my eyes to what happened to me when I was a teenager and later helped me get justice for other victims. He watched over me the entire time.

"We'll see. More people report abuse and harassment, which is good. I only wish there were more people willing to do anything about it. However, the stigmatisation and victim-blaming are at peak."

"Yeah, my parents extended Coping Together to help victims of sexual abuse last year. My Mother is grateful for that to you." I said truthfully. It was what we could do as a family.

"Glad to hear that. By the way, how's Mia?" I raised my eyebrow. He expressed his interest in my sister since he met her, but there were two reasons he never approached her. First, she was my sister. Second, he was a Dominant and Mia clearly wasn't a submissive. I never wanted to know anything about her sex life. Moreover, he didn't want to endanger our friendship. That's why I respected his honesty. It was the second time he mentioned her, and I was obviously alarmed.

"Why are you asking?"

"We talked recently, and she was still in shock. She said she talked to you about it."

"Not really. She's been off for a while now. Did something happen to her and I don't know about her?" Mark felt like he said too much. The only thing that came to my mind was that someone hurt her, and I was already on the edge.

"Calm down. Nobody hurt _her._ She was right to call me. Though that doesn't mean she can do without your help." I texted her that I'd come the next day and she quickly replied "fine."

"Thanks for telling me." He shrugged and nodded. Daniel tried to lighten up the mood.

"So, Mark have you found some new lovely sub?" Daniel knew about the lifestyle although he wasn't into it. He's learnt to understand the basics. He's known us long enough to understand that we're not freaks and that we're not abusive assholes. He worked for the police and occasionally asked him for advice with legal aspects.

"Not yet, but I'm going to look for someone soon. My community has grown since I left, so I'll see new faces. Christian do you want to go to a party with me? Dan I would invite as well, but I don't think you would enjoy it." I hesitated. Daniel wanted to move the topic to something easier, but I felt that it was almost as difficult as it was before.

"I don't know. I'm seeing a vanilla girl and I really like her. I shouldn't go to a play party right now."

"Congratulations. You know they won't let you play with anyone on your first visit. It's not a club. I can vouch for you, but you'd need to send your credentials to the host as well. You don't have to worry about privacy. We all take it very seriously and most of us also attend clubs from time to time." It was long since my last visit to any club in the U.S. Since Leila, I only did occasional scenes and nothing more. I didn't want to mix my preferences with my personal life.

"I'll think about it, okay? I can just socialise with you during the evening." I was seriously considering his offer.

"So, is this serious?"

"I don't know yet. It feels that way. We're friends, but at the same I know I want all of her."

"Oh, God. That means I'll probably be the last of us to stay single." He joked. The rest of the evening was relaxed. We managed not to talk about our jobs, depressing statistics, and our love life. Of course, until Natalia came back, but only for a while because she went straight to bed. We didn't want to impose on Daniel. It was time for us to leave. I invited Mark over right after I texted Ana goodnight.

* * *

The next evening, I was at Mia's place I noticed that Mia was calmer than the last time I talked to her. She wasn't energetic, but at the same time, she wasn't trying to pretend everything was okay.

"Thank you for coming."

"Always." I gave her a brief hug. She was the only person who could touch me, even though it was just for a while. "You look better."

"I guess you're right. I know I should've said something earlier. I had to process it on my own. Especially after everything what happened." I stayed quiet. I wanted her to tell me the story without any interruptions at her own pace. No omissions, no distractions and no judgement. No matter what happened I remained in control.

"It's not about me. A few months ago, I went out clubbing with my friends and Lily was drugged and assaulted. We found her in the toilet barely conscious and we reported the event to the police. Nobody listened to us. They told her it was her fault, that her dress was too short, and she drank too much. I've never felt so humiliated in my life. It wasn't Lily's fault and she wasn't drunk. There was no footage from the night and there was no match to the DNA. The case was dropped, and he wasn't caught. She barely remembers the night." I was horrified to hear that, I didn't remember Lily, but I felt incredibly sorry for her. At the same time, I felt relief that it didn't happen to Mia. I saw she was crying, and I wish I could take that memory from her. She started shaking and I knew she was holding something back. It was now or never.

"This isn't the whole story, is it? I'll do my best to help Lily, but you're keeping something from me. Mia, tell me. You'll feel better, trust me." I knew why she called Mark.

"I promised I would look after her and I didn't. It was my fault it happened to her. I should've never let her go anywhere alone. It all happened because of me." And that was the bomb I was waiting for. I spent an hour reassuring her, that she couldn't have done more, that it wasn't her fault. Reporting to the police was the right thing.

"You were so angry when I was at Ana's apartment that day. That was when I truly understood what happened. Ana took care of me the way I should with Lily. She kept us all in line and made sure I was safe." That sound a lot her. I tried not to show how bad I felt.

"Hey. That's good. I'll ask Mum if she has anyone you could talk to. Same thing with Lily. Mia, it's NOT your fault. You did your best. I'm sure of it." '

"I wish that was true. I haven't gone out since that time. I was too afraid." I sighed, but it was to be expected in her current condition.

* * *

Seeing Anastasia was the best part of my schedule. When I told her what happened, she shivered, but didn't say anything. I saw how much it affected her. Her place looked like a mess, but the worst was the floor and her bed. I learned that whenever she was nervous about something, she decluttered her apartment. Everyone had different ways of letting off steam. If that worked for her that was fine.

"You know I'm grateful for what you did for Mia."

"Of course, I do. It's not about that." For a moment I thought she was going to tell me something, but she quickly closed her mouth. "Shit, it's harder than I thought. It's still very new to me." She came and sat with crossed legs on the bed next to me. I looked her in her eyes and saw that she was fighting inside. Was she about to tell me that we shouldn't see each other anymore? Hopefully not.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Just kiss me." She came closer and truth be told she was the one who initiated it. I saw she was careful where to touch me. I've known her long enough to know she wouldn't do it. I resisted the instinct of restraining her.

"Relax, Christian. You're safe." _Could she see through me?_ I blinked in surprise. She put her hand on my shoulder and waited until my muscles relaxed. She looked me straight in the eye and I saw patience and calm. She smiled and took of her blouse. She didn't feel awkward. I controlled myself to the best of my ability. I understood that I've never been with someone like her. I knew she was on the pill and we didn't need condoms. She directed me from the beginning to the end and we had to have in mind the mess on the bed. I didn't know how we managed not to hurt each other with photo frames and other objects. We didn't make a sound as if we would spoil something. I didn't think she would be so attentive and patient.

"I told you it'd be okay." I took her both hands in mine and lifted them to kiss. "Sometimes, it's better to take things slow." She said more to herself than to me.

"You were right." I replied. She stood up to have a shower and I was thinking if I should follow. I wasn't sure how people performed aftercare. I saw she was satisfied although it wasn't intense. I heard she didn't lock the door. I knocked and she let me in. The space was very limited. I wish we were in my apartment. It would be way more comfortable.

"Do you need anything?" She shook her head.

"I'm good." I was right behind her and she could feel my breath on her back. I wanted to step out, but she stopped me.

"You can stay." She stated and she relaxed when I touched her. I could see she was tired, but she let me wash her. It was hard for her to let go as well. Afterwards we cleaned the bed and we lay down together. Her back touched my chest, but I didn't mind it. I thought we could make it work somehow; I didn't want to talk to her about my tastes. I would scare her away and she was too precious to lose. I needed to clear my head and seriously think about us, before it goes too far. I decided to take Mark's offer to go to the party. I could see for myself if I can live without it or not.

To answer some of the questions: No, Ana's not a virgin.

* * *

Can't wait to post the next one :D Look forward to your opinions about the chapter.  
Enjoy the week and take care :)


	9. Chapter 9

Hello,  
I'm posting another chapter. Hopefully you enjoyed the previous ones and you will this one as well.  
Can't wait to post another one :) but not so fast!

* * *

Chapter 9

Anastasia's POV

That night with Christian made me wonder if he was right for me. Maybe I fooled myself that I could be with someone like him. Maybe it was too soon. Until this point his behaviour showed that he wanted me, but when it came to it, he was absent and hesitant. I wasn't sure if it was because of Mia or because of something I did. I thought about it and I couldn't find anything wrong about that evening. Yet I knew inside there was something wrong. The morning afterwards was better and almost believed that I was overreacting. Over the last years I've learned to trust my intuition. I had to find out what was bothering him. I wanted to know why he was restraining himself. _Didn't I do the same thing? I satisfied myself with vanilla. _I thought that was for the best. I saw he was afraid I would hurt him or violate his hard limit. I wanted him more than that but had to give him time to adjust and open up to me. As long as he wanted to slowly proceed, I was fine.

I got plenty of texts about the upcoming party and Adam asked me if I could do a demo of caning with my friend female submissive Cara. I was seriously thinking about saying no. I thought about it a bit more and I realised how much I missed it. She probably missed me too.

"Sure, but I'd like to show how to use them for pleasure." I offered. I didn't want to feed my sadistic need right now. My mind drifted to the most recent person I played with and remembered her sweet moans. She loved it more than I originally thought she would.

"I think Cara won't mind. You two were fabulous the last time." It was sweet how he tried to convince me.

"That's kind of you." I laughed. "Thanks. I'll set the details and get back to you soon." I couldn't wait to see her again.

"Love you, Steele."

"I know. Bye." It was amazing how thrilled he could be. I knew how much I needed to be back in control, but I didn't need to push too far to get it. Cara replied almost instantaneously to my message. He must've talked to her and her Master as well. Jonathan never missed an opportunity to spend time with me. They sometimes invited me to watch them or play with them. I invited them over for dinner where we could calmly discuss what we would do during the party.

Seeing them together always made me smile, because they've been one of the best couples I've seen in my life. If somebody asked me about my relationship goals, I would point at them without hesitation. I only wish my mother wanted to work as hard as them for her relationship to work. Ray deserved more respect than be got from her although I can see he's happier without her.

Cara and Jonathan have known each other for six years and got married last year. They were one of the first people I met after I moved to Seattle with Kate. They showed me around and were my first contacts in this group. They made me feel welcome and they have always motivated in my exploration of the lifestyle. Later I worked with Master Decker and later with Master Larsen. I was about to meet Decker's sub for coffee sometime this week. I think she had a lot to process after her first party in our group. I promised Brandon I'd take care of her.

Cara and Jonathan brought a bottle of wine and I made

"We couldn't make it last time because Jonathan was ill. He was in no condition to go out. I had to take care of my precious boy." Cara explained in a motherly tone when I mentioned the party. He got a severe laryngitis and he was exhausted.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Better, though I still can't talk for too long, although I'm well past my antibiotics."

"That's why you want to share her so fast. Admit it, you love when she goes the great lengths for you like a Mommy" He wasn't looking at me, but at his wife.

"Of course, I do." He said and kissed her cheek. "Cara was so wonderful that she deserves a reward and I guess Saturday will give it to her."

"I can't wait, Sir. You take care of me all the time." She spoke to him as if she forgot I was there.

"You do as well." I cleared my throat and smiled at them.

"I was thinking about pleasure caning. It would still hurt you, but not in the same way as it would if done for punishment and it's always entertaining to watch even for you, Jonathan."

"We've done this before." We discussed the scene in detail. Despite her experience, our history and trust in me we talked about the exact process of the scene, so I could ease her up and assure her that she would be my highest priority. The looks could be deceptive. She was five inches taller than me and in general she seemed more powerful, yet she wanted to surrender herself to a petite brunette who was sometimes mistaken as a teenager. That wasn't a problem, it was funny, and I liked that contrast between us. In everyday life Cara was very put together and independent. She worked as publisher in one of the biggest houses in Seattle. It took her a great deal of time to come to terms with her need of submission. I remembered when she told me about her beginnings and how conflicted she was, because she felt like she did something immoral and not feminist. There was a time when I felt that as well. However, when she got involved with the community, she finally found peace and balance. Jonathan was a head of PR department in the same company as Cara. It was a coincidence they met outside of work.

We established that Cara will be bound with leather cuffs to a whipping bench. It would be fast to remove. She would have marks on her backside and thighs, but they won't last that long. I would warm her up with my hands and flogger before I move to the final course and if she's a good girl I'll let her come.

I seriously hoped she wouldn't come without permission because that could change pleasure into torture.

"I won't gag you, because I want everyone to hear your responses clearly. I know you can take it. Plus, it will be easier for you if you needed to safeword."

"Good point." We later discussed which cane I would use. We looked at what he brought, and I compared them to some of mine and after a while of tests we finally reached an agreement. Adam has already set a room for them after the demo. I made a note to ensure olive, pain relievers, water, something sweet and a blanket. Seems like fun.

A few days later I was visited by Brandon's sub Maya and Adam's Louise. It was mostly to make Maya feel comfortable with us. She could discuss all her questions. I thought she should talk more to Louise, a submissive to a submissive, but I was always willing to help as much as I could. It wasn't an ordinary view to see Brandon happy, so I wanted to see it as long as I could. We watched a film and played scrabble until two in the morning. After I was left only with Maya, she told me.

"That was a great night, Ana. Thank you for including me." That was what I was for.

"Sure. You can always talk to me, not only about kink."

"I know I'm still fairly new to this, but what I noticed so far is that this my first relationship where I feel like I'm truly understood." Her words meant to me more than I thought they would.

"You're absolutely right."

* * *

Christian's POV

I received a permission to come to the party and I was conflicted whether to go or not. _What could possibly go wrong? _It was interesting that I spent so much time with people. Elliot almost didn't recognise me. We were close, but sometimes it was hard to keep in touch. We spent time in a different ways. The best way to see everyone was to go to my parents' house for dinner. Mum made sure we were present at least twice a month. I saw how much it meant to me to be there and to see Mia in a slightly better condition. She told them exactly what happened and started seeing a counsellor to work through her issues. It would take a while, but it was a big step that she decided to look for help. Mia mentioned to them that I was seeing Anastasia and Dad and Elliot asked me all sorts of questions. Grace started talking about her that she was one of the kindest people she met and that she was happy I finally found someone. Since Leila I might have taken a step back in dating. It surprised me that even my Dad seemed cool with the fact it was Ana. That was totally unexpected.

"I thought you'd be complaining, Dad."

"No, that's fantastic news. She's very down-to-earth and put together." Right, sound logic and calculation. I hated to admit that, but we shared this approach. I might disagree with my father from time to time, but I deep inside I know he wants what's best.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just in shock. No complaints, congratulations. Are you really my family?" Grace rolled her eyes and smiled at all of us. Mia tried to be cheerful, but she couldn't put her mask anymore. That was a good sign. I was sure that would pass when she works that out. She's in no rush. I spent as much time as I could with them. I went home to have a quick shower and change for the evening. Mark looked at me carefully.

"Presentable. You shouldn't scare anyone away." Sometimes I hated his dry humour.

"Thanks, man." I said ironically. I knew he couldn't wait to see some of his friends again. When we reached our destination I made a decision I would stay only for an hour, I'd talk to people, maybe watch a demo and leave. Maybe I could see Ana. I quickly discarded this idea. I shouldn't be writing to her last minute. She probably had other plans. We were let in and got our bands. The DM filled me in with the rules and I was totally fine with that. The host pulled Mark into a hug. From what I recalled he was his mentor and they've been friends ever since.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Master Grey." We shook hands and I greeted a woman who stood by his side. Her name was Louise.

"Master Morris, Louise. Thank you." Mark showed me around and he greeted almost everyone. Sometimes it was great to have him around.

"I hardly see anyone new." He admitted. I looked at my watch.

"It's still early. You might be surprised." We separated for a few minutes. I talked to several people and I liked their open-mindedness. I spoke only to tops, but felt like we had a lot in common. One could think it was a very normal social gathering, but those into it could see all the details that made it special. I recognised some of the faces from the club, but not too many. This group was more exclusive. Everyone needed to get an invitation to get here and had to be approved by the senior members. They were like a family and watching them was amazing. I didn't want to leave yet.

"You look good."

"Yeah, I was sure I would regret coming her. I'm glad I was wrong." It was almost time for a demo. A few more people came and I could see Mark's interest in some of women. He looked carefully and swore under his nose. We found space near the back and I was somewhat interested with the scene. I only remembered canes used for punishment. These fuckers were very effective. I knew they could be used for pleasure, but never tried it on any sub.

The couple entered the space and I saw the anticipation on woman's face. She held her Master's hand until she positioned herself on the bench. She looked directly at him and they exchanged warm smiles. He kissed her gently on the lips and stabilised her with leather cuffs. He spoke to her softly, but I couldn't hear the words. The woman relaxed and closed her eyes. Then I saw another person stand up, a petite brunette Domme, who exchanged looks with the man. I haven't seen her earlier. She came closer to the sub and gently touched her face. There was something disturbing and oddly familiar about this gesture.

"Cara would like to show you all how much she missed a cane." A soft voice spoke and I turned to the audience. My eyes widened in disbelief. _That couldn't be… _I observed her carefully and I couldn't believe what I saw. _My sweet and innocent…_ I couldn't process what had happened.

"Christian, you don't look ok."

"I mentioned I was seeing a vanilla girl." He nodded. I still couldn't believe what I saw. "She isn't vanilla."

_What the fuck?_

* * *

**_Hopefully you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think in the review section below. I think I surprised some of you.  
_**

**_All the feedback is highly appreciated :) I'll post another chapter soon. _**

Please, stay in as much as you can!  
TAKE CARE!


	10. Chapter 10

**_Hello,_**  
**_Thank you very much for your time. I highly appreciate it._**  
**_This is a short chapter, but the next one is longer, so don't worry :D_**  
**_Let me know what you think and see you very soon!_**  
TAKE CARE!

* * *

Chapter 10

Ana's POV

When the scene ended I was drained, but in a different way than Cara. I was aware of everyone's looks, I could hear their breaths. It was intoxicating in a way, a powerful feeling I missed so badly. She was totally wrecked, but the smile showed she was satisfied. I released her, covered with a blanket and Jonathan carried her to another room. I followed them to make sure she was okay. I applied a cream on her backside and thighs and gently rubbed her shoulders and back. We were both okay and that was all that mattered.

"Do you need anything, Angel? You were wonderful." I asked to make sure. I also expressed my gratitude for her trust.

"No, thank you, Mistress Steele." I kissed her cheek and smiled at her master. I stayed with them for a few moments until I put myself together. I did my part, the rest was on him. I knew he wasn't completely finished with her for the day. I quickly changed into more comfortable shirt and trousers. I wasn't going to play with anyone else today. They were my friends, I loved them deeply. People were busy in talks and I decided to wander around like I was used to, but something was wrong. I felt someone's eyes on me and wanted to lose that unease feeling. I grabbed a coffee and had it in a vacant kitchen. I needed energy to go home.

"At first I couldn't believe it was you." Someone spoke softly. I jumped at that voice and looked at the door. I couldn't see his face clearly, but something told me it was _HIM. What the fuck was he doing here? How was that even possible?_ I didn't move. I controlled my breath. I didn't want to show him I was nervous. I didn't want to show him how surprised I was to see him. His voice didn't sound angry, which was a good thing. He came closer so I could finally have a good look at his face. The first thing I checked was a black band on his hand matching mine. _I should've guessed that. _

"But when I looked at you, it all came clear." He was looking me straight in the eye, but I didn't look down. I noticed it was hard for him to control himself, but he was doing his best. It was hard for me as well. "It was a good scene." I moved away. That was what he wanted to tell me? I was seriously taken aback with his statement.

"Thank you. I didn't expect to tell you like this." I said calmly. We were both adults. We could deal with it in a civilised way. I was sure of it.

"Me neither. You look tired. Do you need anything?" I smiled and shook my head. He was always very protective of me, but now many things about him made sense. He stood right in front of me and I looked up to see his eyes. " I won't pretend I'm not in shock. I am."

"Me too." I wanted to understand. "What are you doing here?" Someone cleared his throat. We pulled away. _Shit. _

"That's actually my fault. I didn't know you two have known each other. Nice to see you again." Mark seemed to be amused with us, but somehow I didn't want to laugh right now.

"Great. Yeah, you too." I sighed. One of my former play partners brought here my current maybe partner. "So I guess, I don't need to introduce you two."

"Ana and I used to play together, but it was short term a few years ago." I nodded. I thought he had the right to know.

"Mark, I'd like to speak to Ana privately."

"I think this isn't the right place for this conversation, Christian. I'll be ready to leave in five minutes." I quickly took my jacket. It was late August and the evenings were getting colder. It was unlike me to leave so early, but this was far more important than the party.

I noticed Christian shaking hands with Adam and Mark probably explained the situation to him.

"I came here with Mark, but Taylor will be here any minute."

"I drove. We can take my car."

"Let's go to Escala. I need to show you something." It took us too long to get there. The silence was overwhelming. I didn't know exactly what to tell him. I thought he would be angry, but he surprised me again. Good. I didn't want to be with someone who couldn't control their emotions. On the way up I was totally concentrated. We had to be honest and not hold anything back.

"Would you like some wine, or water?"

"Water, please." There was no way I would drink anything today. That would only distract me and I could say something unintentionally wrong. I needed to have a clear mind despite the tiredness after the party.

* * *

Christian's POV

I didn't know what to say. I thought about all the moments we shared and I understood it was always there, but she kept it bottled until now. I understood I wasn't the person she needed and that I should technically let her go, before she realises I'm not what she wants. That would eventually happen. I was sure of it. The idea of her I pictured in my head couldn't be further from the truth. I was just standing there unable to unsee it. Her reaction was absolutely predictable when I came to think of her. That was all of her. She was poised and confident. She didn't shout or raise her voice. She knew she didn't need to.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You. Ana… I thought you'd be angry with me." To my surprise she laughed and looked at me as if I was crazy.

"I thought you would be. I guess it may have come across as a bit surprising."

"A bit?" Yeah, you can say that. I never thought I'd find my sweet, innocent, vanilla girlfriend beating shit out of a woman." I said and failed to keep a straight face. Ana's eyes widened and she just shook her head in disbelief.

"That's so lovely you thought that about me and I'm sorry to crumble that idea. Plus, Cara really wanted it and you can't say she didn't enjoy me doing it." She sat on my lap and took my face in her hands. I sighed and looked at her, but right at this point her lips were on mine and I obviously wanted her at that moment. She was as soft as usual which contradicted the image I have seen only two hours ago. She kissed me on the nose and laughed again. I knew her enough to feel she was aroused. I can't even say for how long I wanted to have her with me willing to make love. I put my hands on her shoulders and made sure that was what she wanted, but then I recalled why we came here in the first place.

"Ana… wait." She stopped immediately and waited.

"Right. Fuck." She moved away and I took her by the hand and she sat again.

"You're intelligent and beautiful, so… We should be honest about us from now on. When I saw you first I thought of you as a potential sub." Ana immediately shook her head.

"No." That was a very short answer and right now, I knew that was what I was going to hear, but her face showed nothing. Suddenly I thought I said something wrong. Ana shrugged but quickly put herself together. "Is that mean we're back to friends?" She said quietly. _Hopefully not. _She couldn't leave right now.

"It depends. Do you want us to be just friends?" She thought for a while, but her answer was pretty clear and I didn't stop her this time. "I wanted to show you my playroom and ask you, but I guess I have my answer."

* * *

_Hi Guys,  
thank you for your time, for reading and leaving your thoughts.  
Let me know what you think and see you very soon.  
_


End file.
